The Future of Sports, Divined by Walt

To give our readers a taste of what the future held for Harvard sports, FM recruited a Crimson sports writer. We did not realize that he would actually predict the future.

Feb. 17: At Lavietes Pavilion, Harvard men’s basketball team takes on the University of Pennsylvania (the “George Mason of 2007”). The result: Harvard comes all the way back from 25 down to win, 75-74, on a last-second shot from Jeremy S. Lin ’10. The crowd, largest in Lavietes’s history, storms the court.

March 22-25: After a disappointing first day of competition, all signs point against a repeat national championship for the Crimson fencing team. However, on the second day of the tournament, fencing stars like senior Daniel S. Sachs ’07 rise to the occasion and point the squad in the right direction, following the points of advice given by raucous Crimson fans who travel all the way to Madison, N.J. The team makes history when it captures a second consecutive national championship, pointing to its support on campus as the reason for its success.

Nov. 2: After cruising through the Ivy League and drawing a number 10 seed in the NCAA tournament, NCAA Player of the Year Andre U. Akpan ’10 scores 10 goals in three games to lead the Crimson men’s soccer team to the Final Four. The squad bows out to number one seed (and eventual champion) Virginia, 2-1, in penalty kicks. The Virginia Cavaliers’ head coach calls the game, “the Game,” angering Yalies everywhere. From then on, Harvard will have two playings of “the Game” and Bulldogs will only have one. Booyah!

Nov. 3: After every single prediction comes true, Walter E. Howell ’09 streaks not only the Yard, not only the campus, but all of Boston carrying copies of this article while screaming, “I am a golden god!”