Don't Become A Statistic: Drink

Harvard has a new tactic to combat college drinking—it’s called peer pressure. The brand new Office for Alcohol and Other Drug Services (AODS) has championed a “social norms” approach to alcohol abuse, theorizing that since “college students tend to grossly overestimate the number of their peers who engage in high-risk alcohol consumption,” providing data will correct this misconception and make people think twice before drinking.

Great, except that if anyone stops and thinks twice at these numbers, it becomes abundantly clear that they mean absolutely nothing. Seriously, jack shit.

Let’s look at the most touted one: “69% of Harvard students keep track of how many drinks they consume when “partying.” Last Thursday, my roommate and I had a one-on-one case race. Does that count?

Also, what is a “partying?” According to another fun statistic, “78% of Harvard students had 0-5 drinks the last time they partied.” That is all well and good, because I actually only had 5 drinks the last time I partied. The trouble is though, the last time I raged the dream, I had 19. Long Island Iced Teas, that is.

Like more than half of Harvard students, I always set a drink limit for myself. It can vary from “I’m just going to have a beer or two” to “I’m not going to black out tonight,” but can even get to “I really shouldn’t wake up in Stillman.” If you’re like me, though, you often set realistic goals only to then exceed them. We go to Harvard, dammit, and going above and beyond is just part of our nature.

One thing that might be reassuring is that “1 out of 2 Harvard students who drink don’t play drinking games.” Well, that’s because 1 out of 4 Harvard students are freshmen who just pound shots in Canaday and head over to Quincy House. That sure is fun, but I don’t think it’s technically a “game.” Apparently, neither is funneling vodka. That’s probably because everyone wins.

Those freshmen ripping shots do help another statistic, though. They are among the 62% of Harvard students who “alternate between alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages.” Those non-alcoholic beverages are called chasers. They’re for wusses. 62% of Harvard students are big bitches.

Perhaps the most absurdly meaningless statistic is the one proclaiming that “96% of Harvard students who drink eat before or while drinking.” Does this mean that 96% of Harvard students are not, in fact, anorexic and do, in fact, eat dinner? Forgive me for not being impressed.

Still, this social norms campaign does have its merits, namely a big budget. The AODS provides us with lip balm, sticky notes, and best of all, Nalgene water bottles, all with fun facts printed on them and all free of charge. Because drinking from an alcohol awareness bottle is so much more badass.