IN LEHMAN'S TERMS: Prez. Palmer: I'm a Baller

Through a recent foray into investigative journalism, I have discovered that the President of the United States is a former college baseball standout.

No, not the real president. The president on the popular television thriller 24, which is more real in a way. While George W. Bush never got closer to stardom on the diamond than perhaps some cheerleading for the Bulldogs during his time at Yale and his partial ownership of the Texas Rangers in the 1990’s, the fictional Wayne Palmer, according to his biographical profile on the show’s official website, attended Stanford on a baseball scholarship and was even named “NCAA Baseball Pitcher of the Year,” a distinction that to the best of my knowledge does not actually exist.

Hey, the timing is about right...think he was on the squad with John Elway?

I couldn’t help but wonder, in the wake of this startling discovery, first off, what kind of pitcher Wayne would have been for the Cardinal. More broadly, though, I’m curious how this apparent connection between baseball prowess and political success informs our understanding of the qualifications for each position—Division I hurler and Commander-in-Chief.

Because my expertise is limited to five and a half seasons’ worth of loyal 24 viewing (as the hours pile up, I am forced to ask myself if maybe there was something more productive I could have done with this almost-week of my life than obsessively track the exploits of super-agent Jack Bauer. The answer, of course is no.) and a couple of seasons on the staff of the Greenwich Village Little League Cubs, I decided to enlist the opinions of several Harvard baseball players.

With his lanky frame, I envision Palmer as a clever righty with decent velocity in the mold of fellow Stanford alum Mike Mussina (or, rather, Mussina is in the Palmer mold). But reigning Ivy League Pitcher of the Year, junior Shawn Haviland, a breaking-ball specialist with excellent control, disagrees.

“I think Wayne Palmer would be a hard thrower because he does not seem to be very creative in his policy decisions,” Haviland wrote, a tad derisively, in an e-mail. “Especially in early seasons it seems like he always sees only one option to solve a problem.”

He has a point. Look where this whole fixation with Assad making a speech got him.

Junior Matt Kramer, a catcher for the Crimson, also sees Palmer as a hard thrower, constantly straining to live up to the example of his older brother David, a Wooden Award winner at Georgetown (I wish I was making this up) and legendary two-term president from the show’s early days.

“I wouldn’t put it past him to throw one right under my chin,” Kramer wrote.

Faced with the prospect of digging in against Palmer, junior leadoff hitter Matt Vance wrote, “I’m just glad Jack Bauer isn’t pitching.”

All three agreed that Palmer doesn’t seem like the type to reject visits on the mound from his catchers or coaches.

“I would imagine he would be pretty approachable,” Haviland wrote, “because to become a good president and politician you need to be able to take advice.”

Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the online Wayne Palmer resume, however, is the implication that Palmer, despite being a decorated collegiate pitcher coming out of a major conference in the Pac 10, had no professional career, instead joining the Marines and afterwards continuing his education at Yale Law School. (In case you’re wondering, Wayne isn’t the only one with Ivy League ties. Bill Buchanan has a degree in English from Brown—doesn’t strike me as the type—and Karen Hayes went to Princeton.)

“He’s the president so he must’ve known what he was doing,” Vance wrote. “I would have gone pro, though I shouldn’t be leading this country.”

Haviland was more blunt about it: “I would hire Scott Boras as my agent and enter the MLB Draft.”

And Kramer chose to see the favorable side of Palmer’s decision: “I guess that speaks to his patriotism that he would forego that opportunity to serve his country.”

There is a long history, moving back to the real world for a second, of athletic presidents. Gerald Ford won national titles in football at Michigan and George H.W. Bush played in the College World Series as a first baseman for Yale.

According to Haviland, certain qualities are important in both arenas.

“College baseball pitchers would make good presidents,” he wrote, “because as a pitcher you are in control of the game and have all the pressure on your shoulders.”

Kramer agreed with that assessment, stressing pitchers’ ability to communicate and strategize, but also stuck up for backstops when he said, “Catchers usually run the show so obviously they are hands down the best qualified on the field to be president.”

And when Vance was asked if he thought college baseball pitchers were presidential material?

“Not the ones on our team.”

—Staff writer Jonathan Lehman can be reached at jlehman@fas.harvard.edu.