Throw this Pilgrim off the Rock

Dearest Interim Dean Pilgrim,

I am writing to thank you for your acceptance of the Interim Dean of Harvard College position following Dean Gross’s resignation. It was very honorable of you to take this lame duck position until the College is able to find a suitable replacement for this important role.

While I have your attention, I would also like to bring up some points of contention regarding your recent letter to the Undergraduate Council, which announced your tyrannical decision to abolish our party grants.

First off, you forgot about your noble position as Interim Dean of the College! Why sell yourself short? Most temporary administrators would not be so bold as to terminate a longstanding facet of undergraduate life. Derek Bok was far too sheepish to get up in students’ proverbial grills, but not you. I guess he didn’t have your strong record as a museum curator.

I know it was probably shocking to you to discover that there are some college parties where “the focus is on drinking.” But what is shocking to me is your implication that drinking is not a student activity. What more universal activity is there for students? It builds endurance (chugging), teamwork (kegstands), and general fortitude (waking up the next morning). Can an afternoon with PBHA deliver those results? I think not.

Also, is drinking really our number one problem? I figured that our number one problem was mental health. Harvard students are fucking crazy. The booze is only part of their coping method.

So I guess we can all rest assured that, even though your decision might be final, your position as our Dean sure isn’t!

Hugs,

Jack

P.S. Come to my party next weekend! The only difference is that, in the absence of UC party grant money, we won’t have chips or mixers, but we will have rubbing alcohol.