How Low Can You Go?

“Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.”

Undoubtedly one of the University’s most effective pick-up lines, this classic phrase was recently put to the test—literally.

A study conducted by researchers in the Departments of Anthropology at Harvard University, McMaster University, and Florida State University found that men with deep voices wield greater reproductive abilities. Translation? Dudes with lower voices might get more girls.

FM set out to confirm this study, using a more familiar tribe. Fifteen female students listened to four equally handsome hunks try to get in their pants via a voice recording, and then attempted to match the boys’ pictures to their sultry tenors.

60 percent of the ladies matched the deepest voice to their personal pick for the hottest hunk.

“What can I say? I need a man with a man’s voice,” says Phoebe Stone ’10.

But while a manly voice may score a closer look at that mirror—and thus make strides towards a nursery full of soon-to-be bass singers—it has its drawbacks. Charles T. Boutwell ’10, the test subject with the deepest voice of the four, sees his sexy pipes as more of a curse than a blessing.

“I try not to speak that much,” says Boutwell. “Otherwise, girls just uncontrollably flock to me!”

For all the virile baritones sharing in Boutwell’s plight, FM reminds you that condoms are available free of charge at UHS.