Puff the Magic Dragon

I want to ask something to the Harvard community at large. This is a very serious question, and I would appreciate your respect of its gravity:

Who loves dragons?

Oh yeah, WHO loves dragons?

I do. Oh man, I love dragons.

Corollary: What if dragons ruled the world?

Think about it man. Dragons. Ruling. The. World. !.

I think about it. Every day. All the time.

Truly, I ask myself that very question e’vry morn’.

I imagine, I dream, and then I enter a world of wonder and awe and magic and awesome stuff like that.

And do you know what I see?

A lot of dragons.

And they all are big.

And they all are fast, and strong, and really, really, really magical.

Then I go to class and forget about my fascination. I get back to the grindstone, I hit it hard, and go along with my everyday, often exciting, but never magical, routine.

Before I go any further, let us please establish a fact of life, as essential as air itself, because you breathe air to survive. Dragons are real.

Okay, moving on. So, why can’t dragons rule the world?

Why do I have to imagine it, why can we not unify together and lead a revolution for all dragons?

We all need a little magic in our lives, you know, because people really love magic. “Harry Potter” made like a buttload of money at the box office, didn’t it?

Checkmate.

The first time I met a dragon, it was my freshman year at Harvard. I went on top of Weld Hall’s roof, just to chill and smoke a Black and Mild.

I sat there and meditated—about dragons. “Man, how cool are dragons,” I said to myself, “they can fly and have huge tails to destroy things and are like Godzilla but more agile and they also are such awesome bros.”

Like Broseidon, lord of the Brocean.

Only better.

I guess my ability to connect to dragons via meditation surprised even myself. Because when I opened my eyes, there he was. Dragon, my best dragon friend. Yeh, he was called Dragon. That’s his name. Dragon. Dragon the dragon.

Don’t joke, or Dragon will vanquish you.

So we talked (dragons speak a language that sounds like German, but instead of vowels, there’s fire) and he told me about his history, about how dragons are 200 feet tall, but can morph sizes anytime they want to kick it with the human-folk.

The end result: dragons now own 30,000 shares in Wal-Mart.

He told me of Puff, the great peace-loving dragon of dragon lore. Oh, how they love that Puff, because he represents the true spirit of dragon-kind: benevolence.

Dragons like to frolic in the autumn mist, and you know what? So do I.

But they have gotten such a bad rap, man. They have been villainized, demonized, by European contemporaries and dragon-haters alike.

Which brings me to my next point—the movie “Dragon Wars” sucks. Yeah, dragons rule. Yeah, they have awesome powers and are so powerful that they could destroy everybody and rule with an iron first and vanquish the entire planet with their kick-assness.

But there is a falsehood in this movie, a falsehood that pisses the crap out of me.

Question: have any of those creators of that stupid movie ever even seen a real-live dragon before? False. Erroneous on all counts.

For if they had seen one dragon, like Dragon, my best friend, they would know—dragons love stuff.

Dragons love ice cream, to cool their throats. Dragons love to chillllllll. Dragons love the Internet, and are so freaking good at it. Challenge them to find you a video of a monkey sniffing its butt and then passing out—in 10 seconds. See if they won’t get it for you. Challenge them!

As they were portrayed in ancient Chinese culture, dragons make the world a better place. They are keepers of the earth, lords of the mountains, and vanquishers of all that is not chill.

Because they do have power, yes, and they will use that power to bring justice to the world, but above all, they just want everyone to be happy and funny.

This would be a revolution for good, a bringing to power of the greatest of all mythical beasts, the kindest of all 200- foot creatures, the protectors of love, peace, and love some more.

I mean, come on, who doesn’t think dragons rule? It’s like recognizing that sunshine makes you feel so freaking good inside. All over. It just is.

So, my Harvard friends, you love magic, and you love dragons. Let’s make it known, and finally get some dragons up in this piece ruling the world.

Am I right? Am I right? Am I right?

Everyone knows it. I even asked my grandma what she thought of dragons when she visited last weekend. She gave me the thumbs up.

And that’s why they should rule the world. That’s why I imagine, every morning, a world where Puff is king, where we all frolic, hand in hand, dragon wing in dragon wing. Where we are all magical, powerful, kickass, awesome, flying, breathing fire, and chilling together, forever, and ever. And ever.

This is not a fairy tale.

The End.

Walter E. Howell ’09 is a Government concentrator in Mather House. He really likes dragons, apparently.