SW HRSFA M Seeks SF Folklore and Myth Major

Depressed by the notoriously awful Harvard dating scene, FM turned to the world of personal ads to search for true love among our prestigious alums. After combing through the back pages of Harvard Magazine, FM sadly suspects that things are only going to get worse. Read onwards for actual exerpts of romantically inclined geekdom:

“Whimsical left-handed, near-sighted, athletic, intuitive, academic DWM, 5’10”, 155 lbs, 52. Endowed with a self-deprecating humor, a questioning mind, and progressive ideals. Seeks broadly educated F not averse to intellectual, emotional, sensual, humorous, and inter-cultural pursuits. Must be willing to provide sustained assistance for addictions to beaches, museums, international films, foreign travel, reading, and broadranging dialogue. HM Box 94225.”

“Ugly, obese widow exposed as a fraud. Educated, witty and very pretty, she enjoys crossword puzzles, long walks, music and most especially art, which she collects and creates. She seeks active, interesting man 65-75. Boston area. uglyobese@yahoo.com.”

“Trophy wife wanted­—for the next 25. House is paid, kids are grown, passport is current. You will be pampered, spoiled, appreciated. Travel, dance, books, films, language, biking, kayaking, soduku, and the chance of grandchildren are a few of the possibilities that await. Only sweethearts like my Paula need apply. Love, Vinnie.”

“Seeking magnetic spark, great connection and lively meeting of the minds. Effortlessly stunning PhD with keen intellect, damn good sense of humor, lots of range and depth. Slim, sophisticated, successful and unpretentious. Divorced, Midwestern transplant with light heart and genuine warmth. Enjoys skiing Alta, NY weekends, DVDs and BBQ, Santa Fe, Paris, Kathmandu, coastal Maine, speaking Spanish, fabulous lectures, champagne and oysters. Seeks confident, simpatico man with engaging mind, ready for relationship, non retired, 49-65. 617 947 1716, ejboston7@yahoo.com.”