Facebook Users Toy With Relationship Status

Neha Chauhan ’08 and Lauren E. Bray ’08 have been married for a year and a half, according to their Facebook profiles. But even though Massachusetts’ same-sex marriage law is more than 23 months old, you won’t find any record of Chauhan’s and Bray’s union at the Cambridge courthouse.

Opponents of same-sex unions warn that Massachusetts’ law will undermine the sanctity of marriage. But the Facebook has already thrown sanctity out the window.

Chauhan and Bray say they are best friends, and that they use their relationship-status designation on Facebook as a joke.

“Girls especially like to publicly declare who their best friends are,” Chauhan said. “I am in a relationship, and I’d rather write down who my best friend is.”

In fact, most Harvard Facebook users would rather not write down their relationship status at all.

Of the 22,471 Harvard users—a total that includes alums, grad students, professors, and staffers as well as undergrads—43 percent list their relationship status, while the rest keep that information private. Among the users who do list their relationship status, 41 percent are single, 37 percent are “in a relationship,” 2 percent are “in an open relationship, and 5 percent say, “it’s complicated,” according to figures provided by Facebook spokesman Chris R. Hughes ’06.

A small sliver—3 percent of Harvard users who list their relationship status—say they’re “engaged,” and 13 percent are “married.”

For Facebook users who aren’t in on the joke, some of these relationship designations can seem surprising.

When Riley S. Catlin ’09 arrived at Harvard, one of his entryway-mates met him and said, “You’re the dude that’s married.”

“It’s pretty funny that people bought it,” said Catlin, who has never tied a knot.

When Noelle Bassi ’06 put down “married” to indicate her relationship status with her boyfriend of five years, she received a number of congratulatory messages from high school friends.

Her friends told her that they “always knew” she would get married to her boyfriend. But in fact, no rings had been exchanged.

Bassi now lists her relationship status as “it’s complicated” because her employer asked her to keep personal information private.

But Michael E. Birnbaum ’08, who also lists his status as “it’s complicated,” really means it.

“I honestly do not know what’s going on with the other person,” he explained.

For students seeking mates, “single” status might be a strategic decision.

“If you are looking to meet strangers, why should you be bashful about telling strangers you are looking to meet somebody?” said Loeb Associate Professor of the Social Sciences Jason A. Kaufman ’93, who teaches Sociology 153, “Media and the American Mind.”

“The internet has become a primary marketplace for romantic relationships, and Facebook is as good as any personal site for finding a romantic interest,” Kaufman said.

But increasingly, it seems, students are choosing to be tight-lipped about their love lives.

“There was an early Facebook euphoria,” Kaufman said. “There is now a withdrawal as students realize that employers and deans look at this.”

And Facebook users have an added incentive to remain discrete, now that their younger siblings in high schools nationwide can tap into the site.

Of course, in some instances when undergrads indicate that they’re “engaged” on the Facebook, wedding bells are indeed ringing.

Lana Lobachova ’06 has been dating her fiancé for five years, and the marriage is set for June 29—three weeks after Commencement.

—Staff writer Rachel B. Nearnberg can be reached at nearnber@fas.harvard.edu.