Dear Molly: Blockmate Love

Dear Molly,

I have been in love with my blockmate for about four years now and I have yet to find the courage to let him know, because I am scared it will ruin our close friendship. Since it is senior spring, do you have suggestions?

—Lovelorn in Leverett



Dear Lovelorn,

Chances are your blockmate is already well aware of your predicament, if he truly is a close friend. Telling him will not be any surprise: He has not acted because he either a) does not feel the same way or b) also harbors fears of ruining your friendship by making a move.

What do you expect out of this proclamation? Honestly, however he feels, you will not sway him one way or another by your profession. If he truly is a close friend, then he already loves you on some level. You may have to be content with that.

There is no perfect way to tell him, no perfect time to tell him. No one can force you to tell him, but you need to decide whether you can handle living the rest of your life knowing you never said anything. Is the fear (hence pain) of admitting your feelings more than “the total agony of being in love” and always wondering what could have been?

You cannot, and will not, know until you tell him, and thus, I encourage you to face your fear and speak your mind. Every time you make yourself completely emotionally vulnerable is a time that you are making yourself stronger in the long run. You will survive and grow from this experience, no matter the outcome.

In “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” Julia Roberts picks the wrong time to profess her hidden love for her friend: the day of his wedding. She admits, “Michael...I love you. I've loved you for nine years, I've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it, and...well, now I'm just scared. So, I realize this comes at a very inopportune time, but I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy.”

This is a perfect example of the “wrong” time to admit your true feelings. But we can learn from Roberts, for although she chose to be honest too late, you are blessed with time. You are still within the socially acceptable limits for confronting your fears and seeing where honesty can take you. I cannot tell you when to tell him, but it is definitely sometime between now and when he says, “I do.”

If worse comes to worst and he bursts into a 1990s ballad singing, “I don’t have the heart to love you, not the way that you want me to,” and decides he can no longer be friends with you (either explicitly or implied by his actions), you do not want to be “friends” with such a jerk anyway. You will still be emotionally attached to him for awhile, but he does not deserve your tears. A true friend who is not interested will acknowledge your feelings and will continue platonically loving you as before.

You can’t make him love you. But maybe he is blind to Vanessa Williams’ sentiment that “sometimes the very thing you’re looking for is the one thing you can’t see.” Being that it is senior spring, and you two will most likely not be together next year, go for it. Sometimes you truly do “save the best for last.”

Here’s to living your dream,

Molly



—Dear Molly runs on Mondays. Please send questions to DearMolly@thecrimson.com. All letters will be published anonymously.