15

Many seniors kick back after their thesis is completed and get surprised with a swift kick from oral examinations. An empathetic FM offers 15 things to say if you blank out. (FM is not responsible for the consequences)



1) I feel this oral examination is concentration-normative.

2) Karl Marx, Friedrich Hegel and Jessica Simpson walk into a bar...

3) My dog was stoned and ate all my books. He was very hungry.

4) How’s your marriage, Professor? Not having enough sex? Feel the need to take your frustrations out on undergrads?

5) I may not know the answer to that, but I can do a kegstand.

6) Can I just fight one of you to the death instead of answering these questions?

7) I’m pregnant. And it’s your child.

8) I’d like to think I concentrated in journalism at Harvard.

9) Your mama’s so ugly, she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!

10) Asking me to analyze any of Hemingway’s texts constitutes sexual harrassment.

11) Oh, I was prepared for a different type of oral…

12) I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

13) How much would it cost to bribe you?

14) Fuck you! I already have a banking job.

15) Is the proper term for a dwarf “midget” or “little person”?