Random Rules Regulate NCAA Athletes: No Pocket Folders Allowed!

Just say no to drugs.

Well, duh—if you’re a college athlete, that is. But how else does the NCAA kill the fun of Harvard’s D1 jocks?

Steroids are off-limits, as is the once-popular diet supplement ephedrine. Pitfalls abound, however. According to Director of Compliance for Harvard’s Athletic Department, Nathan Fry, taking Tylenol Cold, which contains pseudoephedrine HCl, could lead to getting booted off the team.

And forget March Madness fun— athletes can kiss their DHAs good-bye if they’re caught funding spring break through betting on other NCAA teams.

The kids aren’t the only ones facing restrictions at the hands of the NCAA. Bizarrely enough, coaches are not allowed to give prospective athletic recruits any information in folders with pockets. The Bob Slate staple is deemed to have “tangible value,” and is therefore verboten, according to Fry. He adds that any e-mails coaches send to students may not include animation, audio, or visual clips, though color attachments are allowed.

Sound strange?

Fry agrees. “Chances are, you can turn to any page in the [NCAA] manual and find something that doesn’t entirely make sense to you,” he wrote in an e-mail.

While we flabby non-atheletes enjoy pocketed folders and hard core cold meds, our sportif comrades should take the time to study the rule book to stay on the field. Score!