DEAR MOLLY: Bells Are Ringing

Dear Molly,

How old is too young to get engaged? What do you think of the new engagement/marriage craze that is taking over our school? Are you engaged? Do you want to be?

—Musing on Marriage

Dear Musing on Marriage,



I can picture you sitting in section, drumming your fingers on the table, absent-mindedly staring out the window, thinking about how all you really want to do right now is have a re-match against your roommate in Mario Kart when the unexpected sparkle of an engagement ring jolts you out of your typical section space-out. Engagements are for adults. Could we possibly be (gulp) that old?

Midway through senior year, one cannot help but hear about everyone else’s projected future “good news” and plans. When one hears that Senior Suzy is working for that investment bank next year, Ambitious Abe is going to be a Cambridge scholar, and that Loving Lucy and Enamored Eric are engaged, the last piece of news catches most off-guard: it is the least expected, after all. Getting engaged while in college is not necessarily wrong, but it is just atypical, and thus those who make this decision become a source of scruitiny, and, often, gossip. Though it may seem like many are making their vows, the reality is that these eager-lovers are in the minority.

Ultimately, the notions of “senior spring” and “long-term commitment” do not go hand-in-hand. Plus, assuming current life expectancies remain accurate, getting married at 22 entails living with one person for at least 50 years. Scary thought?

In “When Harry Met Sally,” Billy Crystal explains, “when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” But what Billy misses is this: the timing has to be right. In other words, you should not follow through on your kindergarten proposal to the girl who had the cubby next to yours. That would probably be jumping the gun.

Who you are as a senior in college could be very different from who you will be at 50, and not all relationships can survive or adapt to such changes. If you and your partner are truly comfortable with who you are individually, you are more likely to be able to weather changes that will spring up over the years. I do not think most people know themselves well enough at age 22 to be married, because their life experiences are still limited, although there are—as with anything—exceptions.

I am not engaged, nor can I imagine being engaged at this point in my life. For now, the closest I want to get to a wedding ceremony is a distanced pew where I can check to see if Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn will randomly appear. Only when asked if I want another long island from the open bar at a friend’s upcoming nuptials will I be heard saying “I do!” anytime in the near future. So, don’t feel pressured into getting engaged. It’ll happen when the timing is right.

Heart,

Molly



—Dear Molly runs on Mondays. Please send questions to dearmolly@ thecrimson.com. All letters will be published anonymously.