I’ve Got 99 Problems, But a Wheel: Just One.

He may only have one wheel, but he’s kind of a big deal. Not satisfied with his Guinness World Record title as the fastest marathon “joggler” (juggling while running), Zach J. Warren, Harvard Divinity School ’07, is training to shatter two more records: the fastest 100 miles ridden on a unicycle, and the most miles ridden on a unicycle in one hour.

Warren began juggling as a means of procrastination while an undergrad at Earlham, a Quaker college in Indiana. Soon enough, he was turning down gigs at the White House, and getting even more suspicious offers, including one to perform a show at the controversial Coco Cabana, the only night club in Afghanistan.

“In Indianapolis, I was asked to do a strip-juggling show... [pause] which I turned down.”

But that’s not to say Warren has a problem with stripping in general. According to Kyle E. Hausmann ’06, Warren undressed while juggling two big knives and an ax during a psychology class presentation.

“I was trying to demonstrate John Piaget’s notion of cognitive dissonance,” Warren explains. Fortunately, he was wearing circus pants underneath, and was not arrested for his class presentation.

Warren never parts with his favorite prop, which he endearingly calls his “prayer wheel.”

He claims he can ride while drinking his coffee, listening to music, and using his cell phone, though this behavior does seem to “make people nervous.”

But Warren’s unicycling has a greater purpose than just freaking out passers-by in the Square. Last summer, he gave unicycling, juggling, and theatrical workshops at a children’s circus in Afghanistan to raise malaria and landmine awareness.

At the Divinity School, he is working on a project to gauge the effectiveness of arts intervention in a post-war context, which requires counting the smiles of Afghan kids in a controlled environment.

From stripping in psych class to working with kids, Warren seems to have done it all. “I haven’t done the growing up part yet, though,” he says. At least he’s on a roll.