Bad Movies that Tried Embarrassingly Hard for Our Praise and Got It

1. The Da Vinci Code…Because, as it turns out, that nosy French girl from “Dirty Pretty Things” is the last living heir of Jesus Christ. Whew, that was a close one.

2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest…Because Johnny Depp, even while wearing eye shadow and sword fighting on a water wheel, is H-O-T. Plus Orlando almost dies. Too bad, so close…but it looks like he’ll still be in the third one.

3. Superman Returns…Because Kate Bosworth has two different colored eyes—which is weird.

4. X-Men: The Last Stand…Because who wouldn’t wanna watch an acrobatic, blue-haired Frasier fight Ian McKellen?

5. Click…Because we were all secretly hoping Billy Madison was a family man. Turns out, Big Daddy might be getting a visit from Social Services soon…or at least from an angry Roger Ebert.

—Erin A. May ’09 is the outgoing Movies editor. She’s 2 cool 4 skool.