15 Things FM Taught Us (That You Should Know)

1) Matthew T. Bosch ’07 on Republican paintball talent: “From a young age, Republicans have experience shooting squirrels and baby kittens.” (“HRC, Dems Debate, Point-Blank,” Feb. 9, 2006)

2) Versions of the group game Assassin have been played at Harvard since at least 1981, when three freshmen organized a game. (“We’ll Fight Them in the Streets, in the Courtyards, in the Dining Halls...” Apr. 26, 2006)

3) Because he’s well-nourished, doesn’t need to hide his baby, and doesn’t require pain control, Tom Cruise probably didn’t consume his new baby’s placenta. (“Hey, Prof. Alice Mark!” Apr. 27, 2006)

4) If UAs find your Firefox bookmark for PremiumBukkake.com, they won’t tell a soul. (“User-Assisted Madness,” Nov. 30, 2006)

5) Ben Folds takes lyrics requests, most notably: “Eliot House sucks big donkey dicks.” (“Still Singin’ It,” May 4, 2006)

6) If Prof. Louis Menand could be any Cold War figure, he’d like to be one of the French New Wave film directors. (“Hey, Prof. Louis Menand!” May 4, 2006)

7) Even 12 health code violations—including a failure to be “vermin proof”—won’t keep Harvard students away from cheap Thai food at 9 Tastes. (“12 Health Violations? Bah! Those Nine Tastes are Delicious!” May 4, 2006)

8) Adderall and Ritalin run between 60 to 80 cents per milligram on the black market. (“Harvard on Speed,” May 4, 2006—prices not adjusted for inflation)

9) Jada Pinkett-Smith is not heteronormative, despite grumblings to the contrary. (“Hey, Jada Pinkett-Smith!” Oct. 26, 2006)

10) According to UHS Chief of Medicine Soheyla D. Gharib, there is no chance of a false positive on tests for herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, or hepatitis B and C. (“Hope Springs Anew Eternal,” Oct. 26, 2006)

11) You can joing a weekly Christian discussion group at the Publick House Beer Bar and Kitchen. (“Is God Everywhere—Including Bars?” March 23, 2006)

12) Seventy percent of soda drinkers pick Coke as their favorite drink over Boylan’s Cane Cola, Tab, A.J. Stephan’s Sasparilla, Malta Goya, and Pepsi. (“Undergrads: Still Fiending for Coke,” March 23, 2006)

13) The first openly bisexual WWE wrestler is a free spirit: “I live how I want, I do what I want, and I mack what I want.” (“Hey Prof[essional Wrestler] Orlando Jordan!” March 23, 2006)

14) On a Harvard laboratory monkey with a familiar name: “Steve Pinker is the dumbest monkey. He eats shit all day.” (“Steven Pinker ‘Eats Shit All Day’; He Is Also a Monkey,” March 23, 2006)

15) On the five-second rule: “Which has more human pathogens, the floor or your spouse’s/partner’s/date’s mouth? It’s definitely not the floor, but I quite enjoy kissing.” ("Hey, Prof. Joseph D. Brain!” Apr. 20, 2006)