Tradition, Not Rebellion

WID-LC PA4025.A2 R37. To some, Hollis’ code word for “The Iliad.” For others, a code word for hot.

Whether we’re just nerdy enough to admit we get turned on my the written word or just too damn polite to sexile our suitmates, sex in the stacks is widely recognized as one of the three Harvard must-dos. The hottest trilogy since the The Matrix, sex in Widener—along with peeing on the John Harvard statue and running primal scream—must be accomplished to truly “graduate with honors.” With this kind of exposure, no wonder everyone’s freaking out about the MAC closing.

The one thing students may not be too worried about, though, is the possibility of disciplinary consequences for their traditional actions. Is everyone in on the joke though?

One very public tradition pursuant, Anne-Marie Zapf-Belanger ’09, infamously (and successfully!) posted on Craigslist’s “Casual Encounters” section last year in search of a sex-in-the-stacks co-conspirator. In her post, she mentioned that she had already completed the other two traditions and was trying to fulfill the trio before finishing her freshman year. She didn’t research the potential ramifications of her actions, but one of her internet responders gave her some hearsay advice.

“Someone wrote me, saying one time he had asked a security guard what happens to people they catch and the policy is just to embarrass them and tell them to move on out,” Zapf-Belanger says. “The embarrassment is enough; they don’t need to get you in trouble.”

Beyond its potential humiliation, Zapf-Belanger considers the tradition benign. “It’s fine if you don’t get the books sticky; it’s kind of a harmless thing.” Library representatives had no comment.

Harvard University Police Department (HUPD) also didn’t shed much light on their approach to such incidents. HUPD spokesperson Steven G. Catalano writes in an e-mail: “As a matter of policy we never speak about specific security issues except to say that like all police departments, HUPD uses discretion in all of its activities with public safety being its primary concern.”

But one senior in Currier House got in a sticky situation with HUPD his freshman year in an attempt to accomplish the second tradition. During finals of freshman year, this nameless senior (who didn’t give his name for fear of embarrassment) and his friends decided to go water down the College’s namesake.

“We got to the statue and it was drenched. It was disgusting. There was a solo cup upside down on top of his head,” the senior says.

As he was unzipping, a cop spotted him and started yelling at him. The senior was forced to dismount John Harvard, as well as remove the offending solo cup from the statue’s esteemed head. He has yet to return, but hopes to complete the tradition before he graduates.

When it comes to shedding your clothes and your inhibitions, Primal Scream is the ultimate in exhibitionism. Don’t count on getting booked on an indecent exposure charge—The Crimson’s archived police logs reveal no Primal Screamer arrests (so far). The real attention comes after the nude run: a next-day Google image search may reveal how strong the camera zooms are these days.

“I actually found a naked picture of myself on the internet and I was amused,” says Zapf-Belanger.

Harvard University Health Services Chief of Medicine Soheyla Gharib cautions students to consider the medical implications of their brazenness.

“If you do it in subzero temperature, hopefully it would be a short run!” Gharib writes in an e-mail. “If it were prolonged exposure, you could get hypothermia, which requires admission to the hospital.”

It may be a good idea just to keep your pants on after all—at least until you reach the classics section.