DEAR NIKKI: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Dear Nikki,

I thought that social “cliques” would have disappeared after high school,but I feel like since I’ve come to Harvard, I’m surrounded by different cliques and I don’t really fit into any of them. What should I do?

­­­—Friendless Freshman

Kudos on an accurate observation: Cliques never go away, nor is their clout confined to the high school arena. But never fear: the formulaic alignments of jocks, nerds, surfers, and hackers do not have much of a chance of haunting you during your time here.

While it would be foolish to claim that cliques don’t exist at Harvard, they don’t define life here either. I can promise that a Rydell High Sandra Dee experience is not in store for you upon entering Johnston Gate, and that while some Harvard cliques may prefer pink polo shirts, they won’t sport Pink Lady jackets as a sign of their exclusivity.

Whether we like it or not, cliques are a natural social phenomenon. And while in a utopian society, we might all mill about in a universal circle of love, I’m pretty confident that will never happen anywhere, nevermind at Harvard.

But luckily for us, though cliques do exist on campus, they have successfully avoided becoming categorized by a hierarchical structure that defines who will win a spot in the upper echelon of popularity. Instead, different cliques on campus attract people with varying interests—and you don’t have to choose one stereotype to stick with for the remainder of your four years here (though of course there are some who choose to do so).

Choosing friends is one of the greatest—though scariest—things about college. So go out there and introduce yourself. Get some digits. See what you have in common (or not) with others around you, and don’t assign some false value to groups that seem impenetrable. I’m sure that you’ll find at least a dozen different groups that you’d like to hang out with, or at the very least, an Annenberg breakfast partner. It is possible to navigate among the swarms of faces to find the ones that are smiling at you.

And when you get confused and overwhelmed as to whether or not you’re hanging out with the “right” groups, just chill out. If you are always worrying about your social standing, you’ll never have any fun.

Social life should be the part about college you’re not constantly worried about: save the analysis for the classroom (and your post-Harvard therapy sessions).

Sincerely,

Nikki, who is a member emeritus of the advice column clique

Dear Nikki,

I’m the most indecisive person I know. Whether it’s about relationships, the classes I want to take, or whether or not I will go away for a weekend, I always have so much trouble making decisions. Does this mean I’m just a thoughtful person or am I thinking through things too much?

—Vacillating Victim

Being clear about your desires demonstrates not only a sense of confidencebut a sense of self.

So, the answer to your question is yes—you are thinking through your decisions too much.

While having a sense of what you want will help you make a good decision, that doesn’t mean you need to be perfectly “in touch” with yourself. No one really is, except perhaps the Dalai Lama.

Though medicine and pseudoscience might dictate specific regimens to follow, the most important component of a good decision is simply practical reasoning. And all that means is that you need to use a little bit of both calculation and intuition. Follow a philosophy of “informed intuition”: Pay attention to your gut feeling but also make sure that you’ve done your research. Learn to trust yourself a little bit. Well, unless you were that guy in the bright neon green suit I saw yesterday in Boston.

The truth is that no matter how little you feel you know yourself, you know yourself better than anyone else does-and so, believe it or not, you’re the most qualified to make decisions for you.

This of course doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ask other people for advice. Checking in with others who have had similar experiences is important. And thinking through your decisions thoroughly—especially when they’re big decisions—is also important. But you will never escape the ultimate end result: you eventually have to decide.

Most decisions (especially the weighty ones) don’t offer a clearly delineated diagram of right vs. wrong. So don’t get caught in a muddle of over-analysis. I’m not suggesting that you turn into an impulsive maniac, but there should be a happy medium. Indecision can be just as dangerous as rashness.

Bottom line: Yes, decisions can be overwhelming. But unless you step up to the plate and make them, you’re going to find yourself floundering. Make some decisions on your own and learn from your mistakes. Live a little. Be active, not passive.

Remember that it’s a privilege to have to have choices. This is freedom at work, baby. Avoiding them will leave you waiting for Godot, in an endless cycle of aimlessness.

Sincerely,

Nikki, who just made an active decision to go take a nap.

—”Dear Nikki” will run on Mondays. Send letters to DearNikki@thecrimson.com. Letters will be published anonymously.