'Bama Slamma: FleetCenter Inspires Creative Greatness

In a stunning news development, the Boston Garden is back!

Score one against the establishment. Good riddance, corporate world. Don’t let the garage door hit your Benz on the way out.

Now that Boston’s FleetCenter—the antiseptic home of the NBA’s Celtics—has taken the name of the beloved, parquet-floored “Garden” that it replaced in 1995, basketball traditionalists are obliged once again to sleep peacefully.

Right?

Right??

No.

There’s something way, waaay cooler at work.

Arena officials are not responsible for the populist ingenuity of this Monday past.

Drew Curtis, a Kentucky native, brought back the “Boston Garden” designation for one day with a couple grand from his own pocket—and a winning bid on eBay.

“After several less than appropriate name choices from Drew,” the FleetCenter’s official website reads, “the approved name selection was one we could all agree on.”

Before we move on, might I remind you that I have not made any of this up?

“The idea,” says Kerry L. Konrad ’79, a Manhattan attorney who inherited Curtis’ responsibility on Tuesday, “is sort of funnier than the reality.”

I beg your pardon, Mr. Konrad, but the reality is pretty freaking awesome.

Let me explain.

Ever since Bank of America bought out FleetBoston Financial last year, the FleetCenter naming rights contract has been obsolete.

Delaware North Cos., which owns the arena, went through with the only logical solution: selling naming rights to the highest bidder.

Excessive? Try inspired.

On February 11, a total of 16,031 fans saw the Celtics beat the Knicks at Fox25MorningNewsCenter.

The Evening News team, rest assured, must not have been happy.

On February 16, the Celtics downed the Grizzlies at GoldenPalace.comCenter. You may have heard of the company. It has tattooed its name not only on the in-arena Jumbotron but on the backs of prize fighters and strippers.

This past Sunday, fans watched the Celtics upset the Phoenix Suns at Nocturnal Nannies Arena. I have no idea what that means.

In the end, the contest has been used for the good as well as the garish.

Beanpot viewers watched Valentine’s Day college hockey inside the KurtCenter—after a 15-year-old Make-A-Wish child who watched the game from the owner’s suite.

On February 17, drivers on the Fitzgerald Expressway passed the JoeyColinAbbyCenter, so named after a local family’s three children.

On February 25, fans watched the Celtics thump the Jazz, 109-102, inside LindaWaltonGarden.

“While most men were in line buying chocolates and flowers for their significant others,” reads the FleetCenter website, “John was online on eBay.”

It was a late Valentine’s Day gift.

In the end, the contest allowed Konrad, a Yankees fan and former resident of Eliot House, to create a ruckus that surprised even himself.

And what was his proposal, after winning FleetCenter naming rights for last night?

The Derek Jeter Center.

“It’s meant to be funny,” Konrad told The Crimson on Friday.

For many, Konrad’s decision was decidedly unfunny.

Richard A. Krezwik, the president and CEO of the FleetCenter, announced Friday that the name had been rejected, citing Red Sox fan protests by telephone, e-mail, and, potentially, vandalism.

Konrad, himself, received several nasty e-mails.

“I think people just have to lighten up,” he said. “It’s not a Holy War. It’s just baseball.”

Konrad handled the situation with class and good humor.

He reached a mutual agreement with the arena to convince his former Red Sox fan friends from Harvard—including Jerry Rappaport, Jr. ’79, who gave a “nice sum”—to buy out his offer, and then give the proceeds to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute’s Jimmy Fund, which will lend its name to the arena tonight.

Together, they raised $8,600.

“The story is,” Konrad said, “my friends and I worked it out.”

Konrad then hit the media circuit, appearing first on “Last Call with Carson Daly.”

The episode won’t air until next Wednesday.

He also granted interviews to ESPN Radio, the New York Times, and, most importantly, The Harvard Crimson.

“I have now experienced the full force of the 21st century hurricane,” he said.

Where to go now?

By the time you read this, that monstrosity downtown will have some name—something I am not prepared to predict—flashing on its LED display, beckoning spectators outside with electronic lights, and ricocheting off the walls from some nuclear sound system. And just in time to host the Lakers tonight.

Current bids for next week range from $920 to $4,000.

Are you prepared to bid? The name of the game, for a chunk of change, will literally be yours.

—Staff writer Alex McPhillips can be reached at rmcphill@fas.harvard.edu. His column appears on alternate Wednesdays.