The 15 Hottest Freshmen

When Dean of the Faculty of Arts and Sciences William C. Kirby stood on a podium in Tercentary Theater and looked at the Class of 2008 last September, he said he saw before him “our newest students.” He saw “new life for Harvard.” He saw “many of the most promising minds of your generation.”

When FM looks at the class of 2008, we see “our newest comp class.” We see “new life for Harvard.” We see “bodies that we should probably immediately objectify into pieces of meat and, failing that, pieces of art.”

In that spirit, we present the 15 freshmen whom our painstakingly-scientific research indicates are the hottest members of their class. Because it was deemed infeasible to take them all to the butcher’s shop featured on our cover—something about “tasteless” and “really gross”—we took them to the Fogg and Arthur M. Sackler museums instead. There, it was pretty clear that humans don’t just make art. They are art. Just because we don’t tend to call Greco-Roman sculpture “hot” doesn’t mean we shouldn’t call freshmen “exquisitely crafted.”

What does it mean to be hot? What does it mean to be one of the 15 hottest? We have absolutely no idea, except that these eight women and seven men look a lot more like beautiful sculptures than they do cow carcasses.

Funny, the things you learn at the Fogg.

Hope A. Jones

Dorm: Holworthy

Hometown: Alexandria, Va.

Relationship Status: Taken

3 words to describe yourself: Fun-loving, Enthusiastic, Caring

Your hottest trait: My hair

Article of clothing you can’t live without: My Ugg Boots (it’s like wearing slippers everywhere!)

Ideal significant other: Tall, blonde and blue-eyed sounds good...but in terms of a relationship, I need someone who can really make me laugh, someone who makes me feel comfortable enough to be however and whoever I want to be.

Claim to Harvard Fame: LAX LAX LAX LAX

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: Two Words: Primal Scream. I didn’t participate, but I’ve never felt so embarrassed.

Favorite Work of Art: Michaelangelo’s David, haha...oh, you’re serious?

Bryan C. Barnhill II

Dorm: Wigglesworth

Hometown: Detroit, Mich.

Relationship Status: Taken. Sorry, ladies.

Three words to describe yourself: Introspective, Genuine, Anomalous

Your hottest trait: Eloquence

Article of clothing you can’t live without: Du-rag and FAM Inc. Button-Ups (coming to a store near you)

Ideal significant other: Natasha S. Alford ’08

Claim to Harvard Fame: Jada Pinkett Smith’s vocalized admiration of my body at the Cultural Rhythm’s show

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: Being “hoed” on an e-mail list

Favorite Work of Art: Any type of oratory delivered so eloquently that the words spoken burrow themselves into the hearts and minds of the listener, become actualized, and the actualization is made evident by a change in thinking and behavior.

Marisol Pineda

Dorm: Hurlbut

Hometown: Los Angeles, Calif.

Relationship Status: Taken

3 words to describe yourself: Determined, Organized, Compassionate

Your hottest trait: Being Latina blessed me with a year long tan

Article of clothing you can’t live without: The crimson scarf my mother made me

Ideal significant other: Martin Conde

Claim to Harvard Fame: If you are asking why I am “famous” at Harvard, my answer is Latinos at Harvard.

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: Falling on the ice. I happened to land in an ice lagoon which meant that my butt was soaked and it looked like I had not made it to the bathroom.

Favorite Work of Art: The Flower Carrier by Diego Rivera

Kristina L. Demas

Dorm: Canaday

Hometown: Richfield, Ohio

Relationship Status: Taken

3 Words to Describe Yourself: Confident, Ambitious, Open-minded

Your Hottest Trait: My smile

Article of Clothing You Can’t Live Without: Stiletto pumps

Ideal Significant Other: An honest man who cares for me and treats me with respect. Did I mention fine?

Claim to Harvard Fame: #1 Ranked Crimson Dance Team!

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: My wonderful, caring brother...

Favorite Work of Art: The clay pot I made in the 6th grade.

Natalia Rigol

Dorm: Matthews

Hometown: Hollywood, Fla.

Relationship Status: Taken. I have been with my beautiful girlfriend, Rebecca, for 11 months.

3 Words to Describe Yourself: Charismatic, Persuasive, Gangsta

Your Hottest Trait: My appetite

Article of Clothing You Can’t Live Without: My Yale sweatshirt

Ideal Significant Other: I don’t believe that the ideal significant other exists. The perfect partner is dependant upon how hard the two people want to work on the relationship.

Claim to Harvard Fame: Being really queer

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: My girlfriend came to visit me a few weeks ago. Although she had seen snow before, she was for some reason, really intent on touching it. So we started playing around trying to get each other in the snow, screaming like little girls. By the end, there was a group of guys surrounding us, cheering us on.

Favorite Work of Art: My favorite painting is probably Monet’s Woman with Parasol

Roshan Hariharan

Dorm: Wigglesworth

Hometown: Milwaukee, Wis.

Relationship Status: Single

3 Words to Describe Yourself: Struggling With Puberty

Your Hottest Trait: My rack

Article of Clothing You Can’t Live Without: My Wisconsin hat

Ideal Significant Other: She’s classy, independent, and stylish.

Claim to Harvard Fame: I got mostly A’s in high school and played lots of JV sports.

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: Getting de-friended on the Facebook

Favorite Work of Art: Borat’s Guide to America

Jonathan E. Butler

Dorm: Canaday

Hometown: Point Pleasant Beach, N. J.

Relationship Status: Single

Three Words to Describe Yourself: The Jersey Shore

Your Hottest Trait: I am a connoisseur of fine malt liquors.

Article of Clothing You Can’t Live Without: My O. J. Simpson driving gloves

Ideal Significant Other: State school strumpet or wrestling groupie

Claim to Harvard Fame: I’m kind of a big deal...people know me.

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: I was probably returning video tapes...

Favorite Work of Art: O Africa, Brave Africa...it’s a real laugh riot.

Jessica R. Zofnass

Dorm: Grays

Hometown: New York, N. Y.

Relationship Status: Single

3 Words to Describe Yourself: Athletic, Goofy, Fun-loving

Your Hottest Trait: Earlobes

Article of Clothing You Can’t Live Without: Collared polo shirts

Ideal Significant Other: Brad Pitt/Achilles

Claim to Harvard Fame: I finished the Crew Triathlon without dying.

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: When I wiped out in front of my dorm, but actually hurt myself badly and had to lie there for twenty minutes before I could get up.

Favorite Work of Art: Zoolander

Danielle R. Sassoon

Dorm: Canaday

Hometown: New York, N. Y.

Relationship Status: Single

3 Words to Describe Yourself: Independent, Impatient, Sincere

Your Hottest Trait: My eyebrows

Article of Clothing You Can’t Live Without: My Hardtail yoga pants and Havaiana flip-flops

Ideal Significant Other: Pierce Brosnan in Thomas Crown Affair

Claim to Harvard Fame: Got Larry Summers to dance at Freshmen Study Break

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: Life here is full of awkward moments so it’s hard to choose...

Favorite Work of Art: Daphne and Apollo, Gian Lorenzo Bernini

Kristina J. Liu

Dorm: Weld

Hometown: Cincinnati, Ohio

Relationship Status: Taken

3 words to describe yourself: Cheerful, Ambitious, Caring

Your hottest trait: My laugh

Article of clothing you can’t live without: Sweatpants

Ideal significant other: I really like indepedent, opinionated guys who know what they want and exactly how to get it.

Claim to Harvard Fame: I organized a charity concert featuring the Blessed Union of Souls to raise money for the March of Dimes.

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: I had to change outfits when I MC-ed a show in Lowell. Since there were no changing rooms backstage, I decided to stand on the ledge behind some curtains. What I didn’t realize was that the window faced right out onto the street. Let’s just say that by the time I noticed that people could look in, there was already a group of students in the street staring and laughing.

Favorite Work of Art: The Persistence of Memory by Dali

Luca Candelori

Dorm: Holworthy

Hometown: Terni, Italy

Relationship Status: Taken

3 words to describe yourself: Sex, Drugs, Rock ’n’ Roll

Your hottest trait: Nose

Article of clothing you can’t live without: Tight jeans

Ideal significant other: A tiger

Claim to Harvard Fame: I ran Primal Scream before everybody else in my class, with an exclamation point painted on my chest.

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: I puked on the backseat of an HUPD car, and the cops got really angry.

Favorite Work of Art: Virgin of the Rocks, Leonardo Da Vinci ( the Louvre copy)

A.J. Tennant

Dorm: Mower

Hometown: Swampscott, Mass.

Relationship Status: Single

3 words to describe yourself: Fun, Outgoing, Caring

Your hottest trait: I wouldn’t know. Ask the ladies about that.

Article of clothing you can’t live without: White crew-neck undershirt

Ideal significant other: Caring, Nice, Sometimes Wild

Claim to Harvard Fame: Being roommates with Phil O’Malley. (That’s my lad)

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: Forgetting the names of people I have met several times. So, if I forget anyone’s name, please understand. I just for some reason have trouble remembering. Don’t take it personally.

Favorite Work of Art: Good Will Hunting

Marcus G. Miller

Dorm: Straus

Hometown: South Orange, N. J.

Relationship Status: Single... Scream at me

3 Words to Describe Yourself: Who’s That Guy?

Your Hottest Trait: My sweet sensitive side. It’s a rare side to see.

Article of Clothing You Can’t Live Without: My “The FAM Inc.” White T’s: versatile, fashionable, official, and currently for sale

Ideal Significant Other: Shes like the Sun Shining Bright/ My Romantic moonlight/ My rainbow after the rain/She’s the joy after the pain/She’s my lover she’s my own/ She’s the strength when I’m not strong/ She’s my comforter and friend/I’m tellin’ you she’s that peace within.

Claim to Harvard Fame: I’m easy to spot so you’ve probably seen me around.

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: Suffice it to say that your boy does get exposed from time to time.

Favorite Work of Art: As a musician, I would have to go with John Coltrane’s recording of My Favorite Things at Newport 1963

Rina A. Onur

Dorm: Wigglesworth

Hometown: Istanbul, Turkey

Relationship Status: Single

3 Words to Describe Yourself: Loud, Lazy, Rowdy

Your Hottest Trait: In the words of Steve, my “Turkish ass”

Article of Clothing You Can’t Live Without: Big jewelry

Ideal Significant Other: Someone who understands why MSN messenger is better than AIM

Claim to Harvard Fame: Using an inflatable pink flamingo, named Trevor, to get my friend into a final club party

Most Embarrassing Harvard Moment: Dressing up as a bunny for Halloween

Favorite Work of Art: Wall of Our Common Room by Kunze

Ryon R. Hart

Dorm: Pennypacker

Hometown: Guaynabo, Puerto Rico

Relationship: Taken

3 Words to Describe Yourself: Crazy, Not Stupid

Your Hottest Trait: The wink

Article of Clothing You Can’t Live Without: Boxers

Ideal Significant Other: Ariel from The Little Mermaid

Claim to Harvard Fame: Being a part of Pennypacker 16

Most Embarassing Harvard Moment: Knowing men of Pennypacker 16

Favorite Work of Art: My sister’s lack of artistic talent.