Night in the Life of the Fun Czar

The first task of a fun czar is to throw a good party. The second task of a fun czar is to have a good time. With all eyes on Pub Night—success? failure? really bad joke?—FM decided to look elsewhere. On his big coming-out night, did the fun czar have fun? A minute-by-minute analysis.

10:02 p.m.Outside Loker Commons, students with IDs of varying authenticity jostle each other in a line rivaling Annenberg’s on popcorn chicken night. The doors to Harvard’s inaugural Pub Night are still closed, and Zachary A Corker ’04, mastermind of the joke, is MIA. “Hurlbut? Canaday?” yells a male undergrad, eagerly eyeing some female specimens. “They’re all freshmen!”

10:07 p.m.Doors open to an onslaught of $1 draft seekers.

10:22 p.m.Sighted! Corker—dressed to chill in dark blue jeans, a black Hilfiger tee, and pointy-toed brown shoes—chats up the under-21 line.

11:03 p.m.A lass with feathery hair leans against an empty bulletin board, gazing forlornly at the bleak beer line. Corker sidles up to her. They talk. They part.

11:36 p.m.Corker, hanging out by the trash bins, pulls on his wool beanie. A platinum blonde in a too-tight blue t-shirt leans over the trash bins to whisper in Corker’s ear.

12:05 a.m.“Zac, we’re going to the Kong! Zac, we’re going to the Kong!” insists a brunette, her shirt slipping down her shoulders.

12:37 a.m.Heroically forgoing Scorpion Bowls and other pleasures, Corker plays hall monitor, dispensing blue poker chips as bathroom passes to restroom visitors.

1:17 a.m.Corker slouches on a bench, his beanie over his forehead, quiet. The last band’s tired tunes spark an exodus, and a lone freshman, clutching a bottle, gyrates with the lead singer. Tables soaked in beer await Corker’s scrubbing, but—a few Scorpion Bowls later (it was a good idea!)—FM’s night is done.