Hitch Review

All too often, life—particularly romantic life—feels like a game everyone else knows how to play - “If only I knew the right moves,” you think, “they would finally appreciate me and realize we were meant to be together.”

Alexander “Hitch” Hitchens (Will Smith) gives crash courses in getting to that next level. He is New York’s “date doctor,” schooling classy, good-natured, often schlubby-looking men on the techniques needed to get past the entry level with the girl of their dreams.

The narrative thread follows Hitch’s newest project: shy accountant Albert (Kevin James) as he tries to woo Paris Hilton-but-smart-like heiress Allegra Cole (Amber Valletta) as it parallels Hitch’s own relationship with gossip columnist Sara (the perpetually sultry Eva Mendes).

Watch as Sara mistakes Hitch’s profession for a tutorial in seducing and manipulating women! Thrill as Albert dances goofily! Guffaw as Hitch, the date master, messes up his dates in ever more ludicrous but charming ways! Let your heart soar as Albert and Hitch live happily after with the loves of their respective lives (though not with each other of course - this is a commercial romantic comedy)! Drop your jaw as the movie you went to in order to get some action (not the type I got with my heterosexual male friend) turns out to be remarkably entertaining!

Much of the film does not hold up to scrutiny, but it is not meant to. It is simply the next and most successful step in director Andy Tennant’s (Sweet Home Alabama, Ever After) path to becoming the next Gerry Marshall (Pretty Woman, The Princess Diaries) and Will Smith’s quest to becoming the most non-threatening and charismatic African-American in popular culture since Fat Albert.

It is this racial dynamic that distinguishes this film from the cookie-cutter romantic comedies that often color the Valentine’s Day cinematic slate. Successful Caucasian businessmen pay Hitch, the only African-American in the film, large sums of money to be tutored on wooing beautiful Caucasian women.

In effect, it is a reiteration of ancient stereotypes of the African-American male’s overpowering sexual potency. Although this image is briefly challenged by an end-of-second-act fight, the racial stereotypes continue to pervade the conduct. Will Smith’s love interest is Eva Mendes, a Cuban-American and the movie’s only other ethnically-distinguished person; clearly the casting director could not conceive of a black man ending up with a white woman.

In the end, the film establishes the new racialist dynamic—the politically correct common ground that “inside their shell everybody is insecure.” Or some such claptrap.

The interactions between Jones and Smith provide the charismatic highlights of an often poorly written movie. The contrast between their two styles (Caucasian and awkward, African-American and smooth) creates unsurprising but still amusing physical fun, particularly during the lessons on dancing styles and the need for restraint during the first move.

From the first scene, the movie is predictable. It is a love fantasy not too far from every other one you’ve seen, but there is an admirable attempt to shake up the formula, most especially with Hitch’s quasi-pimp profession. This attempt at teaching an old dog new tricks fails when the narrative quickly falls into predictable patterns. It is only the leads’ pure likeability that redeems the narrative’s damned conventionality.

Interestingly, Tennant keeps buried the trigger in Hitch’s past for such an odd choice of a career. It is a move that keeps him mysterious and confusing, but adds to the fairy-tale atmosphere. If you care enough to demand an answer to this type of question, this clearly is not your type o’ flick. Just accept the perimeters of the tale.

This is not When Harry Met Sally, but Hitch does perform one of that film’s most astonishing tricks: Hitch believably turns Kevin James into a romantic lead worthy of Amber Valletta. If nothing else, the film is inspiring for all those goofy, awkward, smart Harvard men with few social skills. Come on guys, you know who you are.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a few numbers I finally have the nerve to call. Hmm…maybe this fairytale can come true.