Screenshots: "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo"

Ask me if I loved “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.” Go on, do it!

Did I love it? Let me ask you this—do birdies love to fly in the air?

The second installment in the sure-to-stay-dead “Deuce Bigalow” franchise, this little gem of a film finds Rob Schneider’s titular prosti-dude roaming the streets of Amsterdam with his pimp and de facto best friend, T.J. (Eddie Griffin). A mysterious “Man-Whore Killer” is stalking the loverboys of the region, and T.J. is the prime suspect! Oh no!

I’m serious about the movie being a gem. It’s short, punchy, and admirably low on gross-out content. Most of the wordplay is clever, the timing is professional, and it never tries to be something it isn’t. Oh, I don’t know, see it for yourself. But bring booze when you do! I’d recommend a bottle of the finest Scotch whisky you can find, in honor of Norm Macdonald’s gloriously unnecessary Scottish supporting character.

TAKE A SHOT…



1. Every time you see a nipple (Eddie Griffin’s third nipple counts).

2. Every time a character talks to a dead body or body part (prosthetic legs count).

3. Every time you find the friendship between Deuce and T.J. to be inspiring (if you’re me, you will pass out 20 minutes into the film because of this rule).

4. Every time there’s a verbal mash-up of “penis” and “vagina” (examples: “snatch-pole,” “twat-sicle,” “man-gina”).

5. Every time you find a woman attractive (2 shots if she’s deformed).

6. Chug beer for the entire duration of the two scenes in which amazing indie rock songs such as the Pixies’ “Here Comes Your Man” and the Tubes’ “She’s A Beauty” are used for montage sequences.

7. Take nine shots when Eddie Griffin describes a fictional historical figure as “The Jackie Robinson of ass-eating.”

8. Take twelve shots when the president of the male prostitutes’ union says, “Deuce, you saved man-whore society. The Golden Boner belongs to you.”

If you can still name the tasks involved in executing a “Portuguese Breakfast” by the end, take 4 shots

BONUS ROUND: If you’re a girl, take a shot just for watching the bonus featurette entitled “The Casting Lounge”—it’s just four minutes of screen tests for women rubbing their lathered-up breasts against a window! Go on, ladies—you deserve it.


<i>—Staff writer Abe J. Riesman can be reached at riesman@fas.harvard.edu.</i>