How to Be a Sex Worker

Presenting: our first ever sex column!

Your blockmates are a great resource for your questions about sex, along with your close friends, family members, high school classmates, and teammates. In fact, almost every person you can think of would be a better source of information about sex than a sex columnist.

If you’re reading a newspaper sex column, though, chances are you didn’t even graduate from high school, and you have no legs.

What to do? Become a sex worker.

But where to go?

Chilling in front of the Porc is just setting yourself up for failure (they fuck each other). Felipe’s is a good bet, although because of recent run-ins with the Cambridge police, it’s a little risky. Best spot? Like I’d give that up (!).

You might try a dining hall. Lots of people hang out there.

Once you’ve secured a customer, you’re in the home stretch. But before you do anything, set your terms. Don’t settle. Be assertive.

And obviously don’t actually have sex with the person! He or she might have the clap!