DEAR NIKKI: Gobbling, Gossiping, Gabbing

Dear Nikki,

Every time I go home for the holidays, I feel completely unproductive. I bring home a decent amount of work and yet I feel like I never get anything done and I end up just being frustrated at the end of vacation. Do you have any suggestions on how to make that whole process a better one?

—Vexed on Vacation

One thing’s for certain—any surplus stress added on to the valiant pursuit of enjoying “quality time” with the fam during the holidays is less than ideal. It takes enough energy to get through the supposedly benevolent guidance from grammy about matters such as precisely where you should part your hair or button your blouse.

As a result of family pressures, you need to be realistic about your workload. Sometimes you legitimately have to get work done over break, but as long as the books are not literally calling your name from the shelves, you should give yourself a break. You shouldn’t feel bad about picking up some magazines to read, going to the movies, going shopping, and just chillin’. We are given holidays for a reason, after all.

I mean, let’s be honest. The Pilgrims were important, but Thanksgiving is really about kicking up your feet and eating turkey.

All this being said, if you feel it would really help you to get a start on that paper that’s hanging over you, fine. But make sure that you compartmentalize. Set aside one afternoon where you are going to get out of the house and be productive. Visit your local coffee shop or library to get some work done away from the family, phones, and television.

If you set aside a couple of hours on one or two afternoons, you will be more productive than if you make yourself believe that you need to work during the entire break. It won’t happen if you let it hang. Plus, it’s not very much fun to be stuck thinking about punching out keys on the keyboard every second of the day.

The difficulty of “being in the moment” manifests itself every day, but seems even more evident over holiday breaks. When at home, it’s easy to mull over what you have to do when you go back to school or the events of the past week on campus. But remember: it will all be waiting for you when you return. Instead, enjoy the time with your family and friends.

The most frustrating thing you can do to yourself is to linger between “work mode” and “relaxation mode.” So set aside some productive time (but limit it!) and enjoy your break.

Most importantly for you, don’t be frustrated now that you’re back at school. If your break didn’t go as perfectly as you had planned, fine. This happens to all of us, and it’s ultimately impossible to master the balance between home and school.

Now you’re back on campus. There are three weeks until your next break. So be “in the moment” now. And when you go home next, chill out. Compartmentalize. And enjoy.



Sincerely,

Nikki­—who ran away to Canada for Thanksgiving.






Dear Nikki,

I feel like I get along with guys much better than I get along with girls. Guys are just so much more laid-back and easygoing. Do you think it’s wrong to hang out with only guys?

—Skeptical Schoolgirl


If only all women could get along like The Golden Girls, who seemed to epitomize authentic friendship (for the most part).

The truth, however, is that girls can be difficult. Starting with cliques in the sixth grade, gossip and “talking behind her back” are just the building blocks of

“Girl World.” As Lindsay Lohan put it in “Mean Girls,” even “Animal World” isn’t as menacing because in “Girl World” all the fighting has to be sneaky.

Yet this harsh depiction does not universally represent all girls. There is hope! The many stereotypes about girls represent only a certain type that tends to stand out. But you should not let this affect you. Don’t judge a whole group based on a particular “type.” Get to know some individuals.

Girl friends are important to have. While there may be perks to “hanging with the guys,” the double X chromosome offers important benefits as well. Female friends offer an important support system. Just look at Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha of “Sex and the City” fame. Though their weekly escapades may focus on men and shoes, it is the dynamic among the four girls that constitutes the core of their lives—and serves as the key element of intrigue for the show (well, besides the sex).

You should probably take a moment to think about why you might feel uncomfortable hanging out with girls. Do you feel like you are constantly comparing yourself to others? Do you feel like you rely upon attention from men? Though it is of course important (and fun!) to have male friends, try to diversify your repertoire a bit. It’s at least worth the effort.

So put yourself out there to get to know some of these girls. Look beyond the surface. I feel you’ll be pleasantly surprised.



Sincerely,

Nikki—who feels very lucky to have wonderful girl friends.



—“Dear Nikki” runs on Mondays. Send letters to DearNikki@thecrimson.com. Letters will be published anonymously.