HOW TO: Spend the Night (or Many Nights) in Lamont

To some, Lamont’s new 24 hour policy may be just another excuse to put off that Social Studies 10 paper.
By Kenneth G. Saathoff

To some, Lamont’s new 24 hour policy may be just another excuse to put off that Social Studies 10 paper. To others, the siren song of Lamont’s cushiony armchairs and near silence holds an entirely different set of temptations.

Be sexiled in style. Avoid your insomniac, showtune-blasting roommate. And on Sundays through Thursdays, don’t think twice about dragging your sad, drunk self back home to the Quad after a late night at the Kong. Instead, book it over to Lamont, your new home away from home. A few tips for a successful night:

1. Subtlety is key. Pad your overcoat with a lightweight fleece blanket, because your fluffy Little Mermaid sleeping bag and pillow may attract some unwanted attention.

2. Bring a high-quality eye mask. The bright lights in Lamont are fantastic for studying, but they’re less than conducive to getting some shuteye. Check out sharperimage.com for their “Heat-Sensitive Foam Sleep Mask,” a great investment at only $24.99 (bonus: lined with sensuous black velvet on both sides!).

3. Snag a book off the shelf on the way in. Claiming to a Lamont employee that you simply dozed off during a close reading of “Ulysses” is way more plausible if you actually have a copy with you.

4. Feel like technology is taking over your life? Avoid the more popular ground floor reading room and head up to the fifth floor Farnsworth reading room, a “laptop free zone.”

5. Turn onto your side. Sleeping in the “head-drooping forward” position will only lead to an unpleasant crick in your neck the next morning.

And don’t let that walk of shame get to you. Nothing that feels this right could possibly be wrong.

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