Predictions

Editorial Chair

After a long, hard night staring at the flash presentation on the H Bomb website, University President Lawrence H. Summers will enthusiastically devote his pay raise to making the magazine fiscally sound. He will insist that it is for “tax purposes.”

Benjamin J. Toff '05

Editorial Chair

Years from now, potential first-years will visit Harvard and think, “Housing in Allston? I might as well live in New Haven....”

Kate L. Rakoczy '04

Guest Predictor: Former Associate Managing Editor

To psyche up undegraduates about the prospects of living in Allston, Dean of the College Benedict H. Gross ’71 will declare his intentions to take up residence in A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.

Margaret M. Rossman '06

Associate Editorial Chair

After their recent flour attack on Tony Blair, Fathers 4 Justice will combine their love of baking supplies with their love of superheros—scaling bridges as Spiderman, etc.—and take it up a notch. Yeah, we’re talking cupcakes, the Green Hornet and Prince Charles.

Simon W. Vozick-Levinson '06

Associate Editorial Chair

In a last-ditch effort to reassert its relevance in the face of Harvard’s mental woes, the soon-to-be-defunct Bureau of Study Counsel will recommend that all students begin rigorous regimens of primal scream therapy. The Bureau will be vastly misunderstood.

Lauren A.E. Schuker '06

Guest Predictor: News Editor

Dean Maria M. (“Mommy”) Tatar will leave the land of Oz at last, not offering her intellectually-rigorous Core, “Fairy Tales,” next year. Instead, she will spend her summer gardening, snoozing and reading Levi-Strauss for Beginners.

Nathan J. Heller '06

Guest Predictor: News Editor

I will sneak miniature gnomes into Tatar’s garden as she snoozes. She thinks they’re Extension School auditors. Then I’ll read fairy tales, in her basement with the witches. This will count as a “Harvard College Course,” to earn $0.50 on eBay for Allston development.