Gossip Gal
With job interviews coming up, and the advent of a certain date in April that has certain significations for certain people who engage in a certain herbal substance, Gossip Guy found himself, err, swamped this week. Fortunately his energetic younger sister, Gossip Gal, is back to heed the call, wearing her spring best and bringing you bare-legged rumors, strappy lies, and pastel-colored innuendo.
Saturday, Bloody Saturday
This weekend, the partying got a little too wild for frosh swimmer Benjy T. Seeger ’07. After an incident with a beer bottle, Seeger refused to treat his bloodied hand, instead using it to punch teammate and fellow reveler John J. Shin ’05 in the face. Seeger then proceeded to apply the same gentle treatment to the staff at UHS. After a doctor there refused to treat that “@#$%^ing Harvard punk,” Seeger’s flailing arms struck out against the scrub-clad residents, who escorted him on the way from Mt. Auburn’s emergency room to its psychiatric ward. Back on Mill Street, naive partygoers saw Shin’s red-streaked face and said “Who said we have no school spirit? That kid painted his face Crimson! Go Harvard go!”
Ex-Sex
This weekend, Katie E. Stein ’05 headed toward a rash of wild Mather room parties. But on the pathway between Leverett and Mather, she encountered all five of her ex-boyfriends and this girl she used make out with during her sophomore spring bi-curious stage. All were drunk. Two days later, Stein returned to her Kirkland suite, having achieved the closure she’d been looking for with John, Ben, Adam, Josiah, John and Susan.
On the Run
Clavery residents Court A. Vanderbeek ’06 and October L. Blondtick ’06 used their balcony overlooking the Delphic to pester their neighbors with words and flying empty beer cans. The night took a sinister turn when seven drunk Delphicians knocked on the pair’s door. Vanderbeek snuck out through their fire door to the next suite and wandered into Claverly. But he wasn’t safe for long, and had to sprint down four flights of Claverly steps, hop over another flight, and leapt into the Claverly security guard’s arms until the Delphic boys went back to their lair.
Sketchy.com
This week, salacious gossip website (ahh, Gossip Gal drools for thee) Gawker.com reported, among other tidbits, a liasion between a certain hotshot Harvard professor/journalist/cool dude about town and a student whose facebook.com profile straddles the line between provocative and scandalous. Gossip Gal can neither confirm or deny this rumor, but damn....
In other facebook news, John C. Blatt ’04 listed his sister as the person with whom he is in a relationship. Note to John: while you think such sweet treatment of your sister is a chick magnet, it’s not.
Ooh! Ahh! CitySex!
Their show over and done with, CitySteppers took the phrase “do it for the kids” to a whole new level at the CityStep after party. Tammy L. Phallica ’05 and Rusty F. Smith ’07 took turns giving each other lap dances on the couch, while team Bonjour and the Cartwheel Squad faced off in a dance contest which ended in the entire group rolling around on the floor, red shoes cast aside along with any memories of, you know, teaching kids to dance or whatever.
Getting Gigli with it
On Friday night, local boy and Hollywood heartthrob Ben Affleck came home to Cambridge to nurse his wounded heart after his tabloid-fodder breakup with a certain diva. Apparently, there were several female Harvard undergraduates at Brother Jimmy’s who have degrees in nursing the hearts of jilted big-screen heroes, and accepted their payments in the form of drinks and flirtation. The only problem? At the end of the night, Affleck found himself a little strapped for cash, and had to dash to the nearest Fleet. Fortunately, he didn’t have to go hunting for Good Will; the girls were all prostrate with adoration.