'BAMA SLAMMA: From Sox To Rox: What A Treat

Finally!

The Boston Red Sox took it upon itself, just days ago, to boot the Beanpot Baseball Tournament—and our very own Harvard baseball team—from Fenway Park. I’m so happy I could climb the Monstah!

That’s right, Sox nation. Your favorite MLB team just sucker-punched each and every last Harvard baseball player and his parents, and for no apparent reason. Isn’t it great?

Well, it took long enough, that’s for sure. Everyone knows college baseball is inherently inferior and doesn’t belong anywhere near that venerable institution on Yawkey Way. Fenway is for big-time baseball with big-time stakes. Not Harvard versus UMass.

I think it’s a great idea. Really, it’s wonderful. I hear Brockton, Mass.—home of the minor league Brockton Rox—is beautiful this time of year.

Ok, so the Harvard ballplayers—a lot of them from around Boston, just a short drive for friends and family—have been dreaming about taking the field at Fenway their entire lives. It’s the kind of thing they’ll remember forever. Since childhood, they’ve heard stories about Ruth and Williams, Fisk and Rice, and their bedroom walls are adorned with posters of Nomar and Pedro.

And you think they deserve to share the same field?

“Just being at the park was a thrill,” says second baseman Zak Farkes, who, as a youngster, used to take the short walk to Fenway from his house with his father. “Growing up a few blocks away makes this hurt even more.”

For Yaz’s sake, cry me a river! Buy a 50-plus dollar ticket and park your rear in the bleachers like the next guy.

But what about the JV boys, you ask? The seniors who have practiced every day since freshman year for this moment, only to be denied when it’s their turn? They’ve put up a scoreboard of zeroes—the number of fans who come to watch them play—and played their guts out for one seat in Fenway’s home dugout four years later. And now the Red Sox will make them sit at home while the grounds crew “re-sods the infield”?

Ingenious.

Who knows where these kids get their delusions of grandeur? Heck, I’m told some guys were swayed to play here so they could get their shot at the Monster. Get real!

Now, I’ll not be obtuse. Sox Executive VP for Public Affairs Dr. Charles Steinberg told The Crimson that April 20-21, which falls during the team’s away series in Toronto, was the only time the grounds crew would get the chance to do the re-sodding. It’s been a long, cold winter, and the grass could take a break.

Let’s be realistic. Any baseball team—especially when its payroll’s hovering around $125 mill—needs to run like an efficient business. You don’t need a degree from across the river to figure that one out.

Somehow, something about the words “Baseball Beanpot” just doesn’t scream “cash cow.”

Take it easy, people. Stop being so cynical! You’d do the same if you were a poor, cash-strapped multi-millionaire. These public events are a burden for any team, much less one with a Curse to break. Cowboy up! Aaron Bleeping Boone. Remember?

Not convincing enough, you say? You mean you’ve been to the Beanpot in the past? You’ve seen the one or two security guards on hand who supposedly drain the team’s perpetually hurting coffers?

Well jeepers, folks. Wait until you see how many fans are there. I bet you won’t see 1,000. Forget about the family and the friends who are bursting with pride. Show me more fans, and I’ll show you the money!

For the moment, I’ll give Dr. Steinberg a break. I’ll believe him when he says the infield needs repair. I’ll disregard Coach Walsh’s suspicions that the Sox are filming a commercial at Fenway that week.

This isn’t about money. It’s about safety.

“It could be dangerous,” Dr. Steinberg said about the re-sod grass. “Someone could slip.”

Brilliant.

Quick, last one to Brockton loses!

—Staff writer Alex McPhillips can be reached at rmcphill@fas.harvard.edu. His column appears on alternate Thursdays.