March to the Sea: Futile Five, Surprising Failures

Finally! Time for another dueling column. This week, Brenda and I will be debating...

Wait a minute...where’s Brenda? Did she take a wrong turn at Albuquerque? Did she miss her deadline?

What? She’s given up arguing with me?! She’s admitted defeat, you say?

Wow—and I thought the XFL folded fast...Alas, it looks like I’ll be flying solo on this one.

The New York Yankees have dominated the sports world recently with their trade for Alex Rodriguez, once again one-upping the Red Sox. The absorption of A-Rod’s contract means that the Yankees will pay over $220 million for their 2004 roster, after the luxury tax and revenue sharing.

The Yankees spend a whopping $70 million more than the Red Sox, who have (by far) the second-highest payroll in the Majors.

And yet, the last three World Series winners have been the Marlins, the Angels and the Diamondbacks. Not the high spending Yankees-which begs the question, why not?

Why haven’t the Yankees been winning despite having the best talent money can buy? And why haven’t the Red Sox cracked the World Series since 1986, despite having a top 10 payroll every season?

Is it because money doesn’t matter? No. The fact of the matter is simple: in recent years, the Yankees and the Red Sox have underachieved. On that note, the following is a list of the top five most disappointing professional sports teams since the turn of the century.

No. 5: Miami Dolphins

This team is incredible. Every November, they seem to be the best team in the AFC. But by the end of December, they either miss the playoffs completely or barely squeak in.

And if they do make it, the ‘Fins are sure to lose quickly. All this, and head coach Dave Wannstedt was given a contract extension this year, through the 2006 season.

The Dolphins have one of the best running backs in Ricky Williams and a star-studded defense filled with All-Pros Jason Taylor, Sam Madison, Sammy Knight, Junior Seau, Zach Thomas, and Patrick Surtain—all have been consistent Pro Bowlers.

Why can’t the Dolphins win? It’s a mystery. They should be dominating the competition. Instead, consistent failure.

No. 4: New York Yankees

What? The Yankees? How can this be? When you spend that much, you should be winning World Series every year. Not only have the Yanks not won every year since 2000, but they’ve lost three straight.

I don’t need to go over the Yankees superstars—the team could probably give the NL All-Stars a run for their money. They’ve had the best first baseman, the best second baseman, one of the best shortstops, the best catcher, the best closer and the best starting pitching money can buy.

There is no excuse for their failure in recent years, even if they’ve won the American League-which hasn’t been easy. The Yankees nearly lost to the Red Sox this year and barely avoided first round collapses against the A’s in 2000 and 2001. And they did lose to the Angels in 2002.

The Yankees have been major disappointments, and it’s always glossed over. They spend one hundred billion dollars and need a miracle play by Derek Jeter to defeat the $40 million A’s in 2001.

They overpaid for Jose Contreras, Sterling Hitchcock, Chuck Knoblauch, Drew Henson, Raul Mondesi, Juan Acevedo—but unlike any other franchise, they’re able to make up for their many mistakes by just throwing more money at the fan until something sticks.

No. 3: New York Mets

Wow, what a terrible organization. The Mets made the World Series in 2000. Now, they are just a laugh riot of terrible, terrible moves.

Mo Vaughn, Jeremy Burnitz, Robbie Alomar, Tom Glavine, Kevin Appier. Just awful free agent signings. Add Mike Piazza’s injuries and Steve Phillips’ failure to sign Alex Rodriguez, Johnny Damon, Manny Ramirez, Mike Mussina, Juan Gonzalez or any other of the superstars that the Mets were seconds away from signing, and there’s no wonder why the Mets finish last.

There is no excuse for a team that can afford to shell out $100 million to finish at the bottom of the NL East. But the Mets find a way.

At least they finally parted ways with Armando Benitez. Now, if Roger Cedeno can just find a way to hit over .260...

No. 2: Portland Trail Blazers

They certainly have been blazed—just ask Damon Stoudamire, who tried to smuggle marijuana through an airport security checkpoint by placing his stash in the box that goes on the x-ray conveyer belt. Maybe not the best plan, Damon.

But of all the talented Blazers in the past four years, Damon’s been Portland’s model citizen.

Rasheed Wallace consistently leads the league in technical fouls and is suspended by the NBA nearly every year. Wallace, who was recently traded to the Detroit Pistons, has also been arrested for pot with Stoudamire. (Damon’s arrest is a yearly occurrence).

Ruben Patterson has twice been arrested on assault charges. Qyntel Woods was arrested for drugs. Zach Randolph was fined $100,000 and suspended two games for punching teammate Patterson’s lights out in practice.

Bonzi Wells was suspended repeatedly by head coach Maurice Cheeks before finally being traded two months ago—and Wells was the team captain! The Portland Jail Breakers have oodles of talent and no wins to show for it. Their team chemistry has to rank as the worst all-time. Former Blazer Bill Walton has called the team embarrassing.

They’re certainly disappointing.

No. 1: Boston Red Sox

The Sox might not deserve this, but given past history, I can’t help but put them here.

I won’t talk about Aaron Boone. I won’t talk about Joe Kerrigan or Manny or Jimy Williams or Grady Little. I won’t talk about Jose Offerman or bullpen by committee or Derek Lowe’s absurd collapse as a closer.

I will just talk about how every year, the need to win becomes more and more intense. Boston fans are the best in the world. They care more about the Red Sox than any fans care about any other sports team.

And under all that pressure, the Sox continue to collapse. They don’t make the playoffs when they have talent up the wah-zoo. When they do, they come up with different ways of losing every year.

Of course, I do realize that “This is the year!”

I mean, come on—I’m not delusional...

—Staff writer Alex M. Sherman can be reached at sherman@fas.harvard.edu.