Interhouse Tensions Take a Fishy Turn

The House war between Mather and Kirkland escalated last week when Kirkland residents awoke to an inexplicable stench permeating their hallways.

The war has now expanded into the Quad, with Cabot House, whose mascot is a fish, supporting Mather House’s claims that Kirkland residents hung dead fish from their own doors last Tuesday.

Kirkland residents blamed Mather House for the fish incident.

“They invested their own money to put dead fish on my door,” said Kirkland resident Jeffrey J. Wu ’05. “It’s the dumbest thing in the world. I’m surprised we accept these people to this college.”

But Mather residents, saying Kirkland residents were responsible for the fish hangings, have denied the allegations.

“We had no part in the posting of the fish. We suspected it was Kirkland themselves,” said Mather Undersecretary of War Paul H. Hersh ’04. “We empathize with the fish. We empathize with Cabot. Their symbol is the fish. For Kirkland to do that is below what we thought they were capable of.”

The day before the fish incident, the Mather House banner conspicuously vanished from the dining hall—an act that some residents have blamed on the war.

“A group called the Kirkland Seven stole our banner,” Mather Secretary of War Hunter A. Maats ’04 said. “Kirkland is harboring terrorists. They’re using an extra-national body to fight for national interests, which is appalling.”

Mather House declared war on Kirkland during Primal Scream, Jan. 20, after concluding that Kirkland House had pilfered the Adams House gong. Mather residents organized their Department of War to combat what they call the “Kirkland brute” and help Adams retreive its gong.

Maats said that Kirkland’s alleged killing of the fish was further evidence that Mather needs to forcibly change Kirkland House behavioral standards.

“The most important aim of war, which will set everything else in place, is a reeducation of Kirkland House,” Maats said. “Mather has no choice but to see this war through to its natural conclusion. It’s about justice.”

For all of Mather’s invective, though, Kirkland residents appear to be in a state of annoyed indifference about the war.

“Everyone in Mather is so into the whole war thing. The attitude around here is more like, ‘Yeah, we’re better than they are,’” said Kirkland House Committee (HoCo) Social Chair David H. Perlmutter ’05.

Maats said Kirkland’s expressed apathy obscured the House’s objectives.

“The issue is not will Kirkland enter war with Mather. Kirkland is at war with Mather. But because of the way they’re going about it, it’s hard for us to show the campus the insidiousness of Kirkland,” Maats said.

Kirkland resident Diego Prats ’04, who created a website devoted to debunking Mather accusations of Kirkland aggression, said that Mather was out of line.

“You know how you can think that you’re really funny, so you go up to a hot chick and tell a joke and she’s not into you at all? You realize, ‘I’m not funny at all. I’m a big dork.’ [Mather] is like the dork, and we’re like the hot chick. That’s the level we want to bring it to,” Prats said. “In the end, there is no Mather-Kirkland war. It’s just five jackasses from Mather with a lot of free time and no girlfriends.”

Kirkland HoCo Parliamentarian Arie J. Hasit ’05, maintaining that Mather hung the dead fish, said that the violation of animal rights in this latest incident was inappropriate.

“If Mather wants to start treating this as a joke and not harming animals, then maybe we can talk,” he said.

Incoming Cabot HoCo Co-Chairs Adriana Dolgetta ’05 and Bridget E. B. Deacon ’05 said that Cabot formed its own Department of War and chose to become allies with Mather in response to what they called the “fish fiasco.”

“The fish are the Cabot House symbol, so when we found out about Kirkland’s actions, we were forced to take the entire fiasco as an obvious affront to our House and all that it stands for,” they wrote in an e-mail.

An e-mail sent last Tuesday to the Kirkland-Open e-mail list signed by an unidentified student who claimed to be the Cabot House Secretary of War defended the decision for Cabot to enter the war.

“As the agents of light in this world of darkness, we cannot stand for this slight against the epicenter of progressive thought and action, the Quadrangle, without due course,” the e-mail read.

The authenticity of the e-mail was confirmed by Dolgetta and Deacon.

Mather Minister of Propaganda Zachary A. Corker ’04 also submitted to The Crimson a copy of a letter signed by three Cabot students claiming to be members of the club International Nature and Conservancy for Really Endangered Animals that Are Seemingly Expendable (INCREASE).

Both Mather and Cabot Departments of War said that the INCREASE report justified blaming Kirkland for the dead fish, although the report itself stated that INCREASE only existed “for over 40 minutes” before issuing the report.

While Mather, Kirkland and Cabot House play the blame game over responsibility for the dead fish, Adams House—whose stolen gong supposedly led to the start of the inter-House war—just wants their dining hall treasure returned.

“I was hoping that whoever took it took [the gong] in fun—as opposed to outright stealing it—and that we could have something fun like a series of skirmishes to get it back,” Adams Co-Master Sean Palfrey said. “But I haven’t heard a thing about the gong, and that makes me lose my sense of humor. I spent half a year looking for the gong before I bought it.”

Incoming Adams HoCo Co-Chair Joshua A. Barro ’05 previously told The Crimson he believed that Mather stole the gong.

But Corker insisted Adams residents should be thankful that Mather is fighting a war on what he said is their behalf.

“We realize that this slander came from a few misguided individuals, and that most residents of Adams recognize the greatness of our actions,” Corker said.

—Staff writer Alan J. Tabak can be reached at tabak@fas.harvard.edu.