Tips from The O.C.

1. Don’t fuck the hired help, because if you do, you will most likely get caught in headlights. And when you do, the headlights will most likely belong to your boyfriend’s car. Sucka!!

2. Dark threatening music played just as you get down on one knee to make a marriage proposal is not a good sign. But when she says no, don’t take it personal. It’s not you, it’s her: she just got an offer for a lead on “North Shore.”

3. If your life is falling apart, and everything seems to be going wrong, don’t despair. Things can never stay sad for more than one week. Your one true love may have just dumped you, but in a week, an amazingly attractive person will find you endearing. By the time the credits roll, she’ll be kissing you. After the commercial break you may even get lucky. Just remember not to stay tuned for scenes from the next...

4. Mexican yard men named D.J. are good for one thing and one thing only: yard work. That, and rebounding. Very, very good for rebounding.