15 List

FM humbly submits this list of the 15 signs capitalism has gone too far at Harvard:

1. Souls available on the Mather house open list.

2. Gay couples selling their friendship as an antidote to liberal post-election guilt.

3. Polo invents new colors to woo shirt-collecting students.

4. Porc accepting members not from establishment as long as they can pay three times normal fees.

5. Mass conversions to Judaism in order to answer the egg donation add in The Crimson.

6. Freshmen already start pretending they know what i-Banking is.

7. The University purchases all copies of Cornell West’s hip-hop album, just because it can.

8. I finally buy the penis pump that mitch@hotoffers.com keeps emailing me about.

9. Divinity School finally bulldozed for new Business School campus.

10. Former Secretary of Treasury named President of Harvard.

11. Monkey-lovin’ now considered legitimate as long as you can afford the monkey.

12. An A in Moral Reasoning can be bought from your TF for $666.66.

13. The endowment now considered not nearly enough for plans to create a new version of the Island of Dr. Moreau run by Steven Pinker.

14. Guy in the pit selling drugs now deemed “entrepreneurial” and recruited by HSA.

15. The Crest School of Dentistry opens.