'BLO IT RIGHT BY 'EM: Breaking Ground On the Internet

In less than a year, writing about thefacebook.com has slipped from crafty to clichéd.

Friends of mine have handed in sociological analyses of it for classes. Articles about it have littered newspapers everywhere, from the New York Times to that ball of incomprehensible muttering that is the Yale Daily News. And of course, that’s not even counting the innumerable soul-searching instant messages I’ve received from converted friends, or the time I was sent a text message at 9:30 a.m. that informed me that I had been poked by a man named “Helidon Hasanaliaj.”

Basically, to make a long story short, if you have a pulse and a computer, you know that this website has waged a fierce battle for that crucial eight-hour block of time where checking other people’s away messages and doing nothing once reigned supreme.

So why am I writing about it now?

Well, the horizons of thefacebook.com are broadening. There is, arguably, a fertile ground most have not yet explored—even aside from the “intended vote” feature, or the “groups” function, which I considered largely pointless until I found the You Got Served Society.

This untapped realm is the world of sports.

But notably, by “sports” I do not mean to talk about that member of the women’s soccer team who’s in your Ec-10 section—orbiting ever so torturously on the outer rings of your “social net”—that you looked up that one time. Or fifty times. Per day.

In fact, stop looking her up right now—that’s just weird.

I’m talking bigger than Harvard, bigger than Cambridge and beyond our expansive but relatively unrecognized athletics program.

So here’s a simple math problem for you: (Fruitful intercollegiate community) + (The opportunity for typically collegiate time-wasting) + (Staying in touch with college friends) + (You realizing that major Division I athletes technically attend college) – (Helidon Hasanaliaj) = ?

Get it yet? This isn’t the LSAT’s, people.

But since we’re still on the education thing, here’s a brief history lesson to make it even clearer.

As sports fans—much less college sports fans—we were, once upon a time, relegated to buying tickets to games in order to directly experience the protagonists of our favorite sporting events. In conjunction with this development arose the popularity of radio, then television, and cable television, and ESPN, and satellites, and NFL Sunday Ticket, and most recently, packages like MLB.com’s MLB.TV. Amazing, right?

Enter thefacebook.com.

Ever since Mark E. Zuckerberg ’06-’07 and Co. began their seemingly endless march to bring most major colleges in

America to the site’s fold, thefacebook.com has exhibited the potential to be the next notch in that timeline chronicling the Venn Diagram of sports and mass media. The next step to bringing you even closer to your favorite professional athletes. Disturbingly close, even.

Don’t believe me? Let’s look at a few of the darlings of the collegiate sports world that I’ve collected that have already registered with the site.

1. B.J. SZYMANSKI

Let’s start locally with Princeton, our very own baseball team’s Ivy League rival.

Current Billings Mustang Brandon “B.J.” Szymanski is a highly overrated baseball player, one we at The Crimson believe to be nowhere near as good as the experts have projected.

Nevertheless, his name benefited from a meteoric rise within scouting circles when he was a Tiger for his possession of baseball’s mythical five “tools”: running fast, throwing hard, hitting for average, hitting for power and fielding ability. Thus, he was drafted in the second round (48th overall) of the 2004 MLB draft by the Cincinnati Reds.

And, he is on thefacebook.com. Nice picture, B.J.—wait, that’s a question mark, not an actual photo. Way to foster the online community.

Anyway, the bottom line is that you need to poke Szymanski before he eventually dupes the woeful Reds organization into promoting him to the big leagues while you still have the chance. Alternately, send him a message asking him why he did so horribly against Crimson pitching last year.

2. MAURICE STOVALL

Moving even closer to the national stage brings us even better candidates.

Hailing from South Bend, Ind. is Notre Dame’s Maurice Stovall, the Fighting Irish’s star wide receiver and former Sports Illustrated cover-boy.

The junior is a member of groups such as the basketball team’s “Leprechaun Legion,” and even more predictably “Muck Fichigan.” Stovall additionally lists “Rap, R&B, Hip Hop, slow jams, panty droppin [and] old school” as his favorite music.The Bible is his favorite book.

3. RASHON POWERS-NEAL

Powers-Neal, Notre Dame’s starting fullback, is Stovall’s online partner in crime. A member of both the Legion and Muck Fichigan, he also claims allegiance to “Random Hook-ups Anonymous,” and takes a more philosophical angle to life. When asked to supply something about him, the senior says, “If I tell you, then we won’t have anything to talk about.”

Hey, this is true, Rashon. This is very true.

4. TRENT EDWARDS

Trent Edwards, Stanford’s starting quarterback in his sophomore season—he red-shirted as a freshman—joins our all-star team after taking No. 1 USC to the brink of defeat (31-28) a week ago. Coincidentally, Edwards formed one-half of a lethal Edwards-to-Edwards combination with The Crimson’s star wideout Brian Edwards in high school in Los Gatos, Calif.

And while he’ll actually face off against Powers-Neal and Stovall in South Bend this week, he is their online brother, and will exchange pleasantries with them at some point on Saturday.

That’s the way thefacebook.com works.

5. JOSH CHILDRESS

Arguably the athletic crown jewel of thefacebook.com’s vast social network, Childress ran the infamous “ignore play” on my friendship invitation, leaving it pending in purgatory till this day.

But besides being an apparent jerk, the former Stanford Cardinal was selected sixth overall in the 2004 NBA Draft by the Atlanta Hawks after a stellar junior campaign, and resembles an afro’d Scottie Pippen.

Understandably, many of you may be wondering if this is the real Josh Childress. Well, I argue that it is. Other Stanford basketball team members Justin Davis, Jason Haas and Matt Haryasz are also on thefacebook.com. And, sources tell me, Childress has one Harvard friend—the Crimson’s own David Giovacchini, whose brother Tony played ball for the Cardinal.

If this isn’t enough, consider that in an effort to confirm his identity, I sent the following message to Childress, who surely checks the site in between buying new cars and houses:

“Hi Josh, I’m from The Harvard Crimson. I just noticed that you were on thefacebook.com. One question: given your status as a prominent athlete in America, has there been any one motivating reason for you to register with this website?”

The response?

Nothing.

Bottom line: poke Josh Childress.

All right, so maybe I haven’t yet sated your rabid fandom. Maybe you expected more. Michael Jordan, after all, has not yet signed up with his North Carolina alumni e-mail account.

But you have to admit that things are coming full circle. Consider this: the first telecast sporting event ever was an Ancient Eight baseball game between Princeton and Columbia in May of 1939.

Where else but an Ivy League school would the next big step in the media of fan-athlete interaction be born?

That was rhetorical.

—Staff writer Pablo S. Torre can be reached at torre@fas.harvard.edu. His column appears on alternate Fridays.