Ferrell Entertains Seniors

With some help from comedian and actor Will Ferrell, students and faculty brightened an otherwise overcast Yard yesterday with nostalgic and occasionally humorous Class Day speeches, entertaining throngs of seniors with their family and friends.

“Say Harvard! Say oh-three,” First Marshal Krishnan Subrahmanian ’03 rapped over audience cheers, spoofing hip-hop artist 50 Cent. “We’re going to party like it’s your Class Day.”

The cheers escalated in volume when Ferrell danced onto the stage, lip-syncing Kool and the Gang’s “Celebration!”

Sporting a nautical outfit with a polka-dotted ascot and docksiders, the Ferrell’s ensemble was completed by a sailor’s hat perched atop his curly brown hair.

Apparently confused, he stopped in from the microphone and asked, “This is not the Worcester, Mass. boat show, is it?”

But after his initial confusion over where he was, Ferrell got down to business.

“I’m not going to stand up here and try to be funny,” he said.

Painting a picture of life in the world according to Ferrell, he told the audience “I’m going to give it to you straight.”

But “straight,” for Ferrell meant goofy.

“You’re living in a fantasy,” he said. “You will enter a world of hypocrisy…where your limo to the airport is a half an hour late…and it’s a Lincoln Town car.”

Ferrell, who attended the University of Southern California, took some jabs at life at Harvard.

“Damn you, Harvard, damn you! I’m not one of you…I graduated from the University of Life,” he moaned, gesticulating wildly. “Our colors were black and blue.”

Unlike recent years’ Class Day speakers—including Al Franken ’73 and Conan O’Brien ’85—Ferrell did not have Harvard memories on which to pontificate.

“I had to start from scratch,” he said at a press conference after the speech. “I couldn’t relate past stories. I had to approach from a different angle: really silly.”Despite its educational background, he said, he had faith in the Class of 2003, whom he called “the most talented group of sexual beings.” And he expressed confidence that they would go on to professions of the utmost importance.

“Four of you will go on to major careers in the porno industry,” he deadpanned. “I’m not trying to be funny. It’s just a statistical fact.”

Ferrell delivered the second half of his speech in imitation of President Bush—a skill he made famous during his seven-season stint on Saturday Night Live.

“Harvard University is one of the finest in the land,” he said, mocking President Bush’s Texan drawl and face of dumbstruck stupor. “[Your] exuberance exudes a confident confidence of a bygone era.”

He also wished the seniors luck job-hunting in the struggling economy.

“The chance of landing a job are as good as finding a weapon of mass destruction in Iraq,” he said.

Concluding the speech with a musical number, Ferrell began to croon Kansas’ blues hit “Dust in the Wind,” which he performed in his most recent film “Old School.” But he broke off mid-song and said, “I’m just realizing its a terrible graduation song. Man, it’s a downer.”

Revising the lyrics to fit the mood, Ferrell resumed his off-key singing, eyes half-closed in concentration.

“You’re so much more than just dust in the wind,” he sang. “You’re just shiny little very smart pieces of dust in the wind.”

Ferrell’s colleagues said his gift for comedy made him an outstanding class day speaker.

“Will is incredibly funny and I think he’s magic,” said Lorne Michaels, the executive producer of Saturday Night Live who worked with him for seven years on the show and also on three movies. “He’s up there with the best of whoever’s done the show. He’s versatile, and he’s also really funny being Will just as himself.”

“I’d be happy to watch him speak about anything,” he added. “You’re always happy when he’s in the room.”

Franken, who spoke at last year’s class day, concurred, saying that he appreciated Ferrell’s approach.

“I have more of a connection to the school, so the kind of speech I did was different,” he said. “I thought his was hilarious.”

Sharing The Spotlight

Five students—Two Ivy orators, two Harvard orators, and Subrahmanian—and Dean of the College Harry R. Lewis ’68 also took the stage to provide seniors and their guests with advice and laughs.

“This is a time when pure nostalgia is completely allowed,” Lewis advised. “It’s okay to drop the cynicism you learned when you were a freshman.”

Harvard orator Melissa Inouye ’03 compared the college experience to starting life again as a baby.

“These years at the college represent a rebirth and growing up…. The difference is that we chose it for ourselves…. We understood the risks involved in the decision and began anyway.”

Thomas Miller ’03 denounced passion in his Harvard oration, claiming that it is destructive, painful and passive.

“Do not lie idle because you don’t have passion. Don’t be afraid to search,” Miller said. “Because once you find them, passions will become as natural as breathing.”

The Ivy orators added a kick of humorous sarcasm to the program, as Courtney Bass ’03 griped in her speech, “In less that 24 hours, I will be kicked out of here faster than a freshman party is shut down by the Harvard University Police.”

Bass added that seniors should hone their real world skills before leaving Harvard, warning, “I’m sure at least half of us will make it. The rest of us can come back as GSAS [graduate] students.”

Finally, in an “octopussy” speech with James Bond puns, Holden Karnofsky ’03 noted in his Ivy oration that when students enter Harvard, they have a lot to learn.

“Seventy-five percent of us were already tenured professors at Princeton. Sixty-five percent were the smartest in the world,” he said. “Three percent knew how to work a laundry machine.”

He advised students to adopt a version of the Golden Rule as a guiding mantra.

“Do unto others as what will cause you to make money,” he said, adding “our education will never be over as long as we refuse to complete the Moral Reasoning requirement.”

By the end of the ceremony, Subrahmanian waxed reflective and told his classmates how special they were.

“Do not go out there and try to be great,” he said. “Remember this day, remember this place…and know you already are great, and its just a matter of sharing yourself with the rest of the world. It’s a world that could really use you.”

—Staff writer Hana R. Alberts can be reached at alberts@fas.harvard.edu.