King James Bible: Division I-AA Polls Aren't A Pretty Sight

Every Monday while I wait for the I-AA College Football Top 25 polls to be released by ESPN and The Sports Network, the words of ESPN.com’s Joe Lunardi echo through my head.

“It’s just a beauty contest, it’s just a beauty contest, repeat after me, it’s just a beauty contest.”

In essence, he’s right. College polls are popularity contests, meant to bear as little resemblance to reality as humanly possible. The top-25 polls that are released each week make about as much sense as the method for picking finalists in the Miss America pageant. “Sure, McNeese State squeaked out a close one on Saturday, but it’s our No. 1 because it just ran away with the evening gown and swimsuit competitions.”

However, I also know that some people actually take these polls seriously. So I believe it’s time for me to step in and provide some solace to those football programs whose talents have been grossly misrepresented by the ignorant voters. Which schools’ fans have gathered in the quad armed with pitchforks and torches while setting voter effigies ablaze? Here’s a list of suspects.

No. 2 Delaware (8-0)—The Blue Hens stormed into Annapolis this weekend and shocked Navy, 21-17. And I know what you’re thinking: your high school team could have beaten the Midshipmen.

Not this year.

Navy (5-3) is likely bowl-bound for the first time in seven years on the strength of the best rushing attack in Division I-A. Yet Delaware sits behind McNeese State (6-1) who struggled to a 56-37 win at home this weekend over a dismal Sam Houston State squad.

No. 11 Pennsylvania (6-0)—Penn fans might be too happy that the Quakers fought off Yale in overtime to worry about taking issue with this week’s polls. So, I’ll do it for them. Penn remains lodged firmly behind No. 9 Bethune-Cookman (6-1)—a team that hasn’t played anyone of consequence, has struggled with cupcakes and along the way managed to drop a home game to mediocre Morgan State (4-4).

The Wildcats’ schedule heats up over the next couple weeks with home games against No. 19 North Carolina A&T and No. 21 Hampton. If Bethune-Cookman survives both of those games, I’ll be glad to approve of its top-10 ranking. Until then, I can’t help but chuckle.

No. 12 Colgate (8-0)—Colgate is one of only four 8-0 teams in all of I-AA college football—No. 2 Delaware, No. 3 Southern Illinois and Mid-Major No. 1 Monmouth being the other three. Its resume includes a 38-15 win over I-A Buffalo, a 52-40 win against Yale and a 50-6 drubbing of Bucknell.

Apparently, it just hasn’t lost the requisite number of games to be “voted” into the top 10. It’s mind-blowing to see Colgate and Penn—a combined 14-0—sitting right behind No. 8 Western Kentucky, No. 9 Bethune-Cookman and No. 10 Montana, who have a combined five losses this season.

No. 16 Harvard (6-0)—Didn’t think I’d leave out the home team did you? Harvard’s biggest win was a 28-20 victory over then No. 10 Northeastern (5-3). Recently its play has been shaky, as close wins over Lafayette (3-4) and Princeton (1-5) could have easily been losses. However, Harvard actually won each game, which is more than can be said for the three teams in front of it. No. 13 Western Illinois, No. 14 Grambling and No. 15 Northern Arizona have a combined seven losses this season.

It’s impossible to explain the inexplicable, but I’ve got a theory. Maybe the voters just liked the names Leathernecks, Tigers and Lumberjacks a little better than the Crimson. Or maybe they were just weirded out by our cowboy-looking pilgrim. That’s got to be it, because nothing else makes sense.

Lehigh (5-2)—Lehigh is in the precarious position of not even having a number about which to complain. Its only losses this year came to soon-to-be Big East member Connecticut, 35-17, and to No. 11 Penn, 31-24. Lehigh’s marquee win came over No. 22 Fordham, 23-16.

Yet Lehigh sits in the ignoble “Others Receiving Votes” category directly behind three three-loss teams. While none of the three truly belong in the top 25, the most outrageous inclusion has to be No. 23 Northwestern (La.) State (6-3). Once the Demons left the part of its schedule that included dates against Panhandle State and every directional Louisiana school, it struggled, most evident in its 40-30 loss at home to mediocre Nicholls State on Saturday. Nothing against Northwestern State, which admittedly I wouldn’t be able to find on a map if it had a yellow star on it, but Cabot’s flag football team is more deserving of a top-25 spot.

After all that, what’s the most important advice that I can pass on about the I-AA college football poll?

“It’s just a beauty contest.”

—Staff writer Michael R. James can be reached at mrjames@fas.harvard.edu.