As Follows

From: female Wellesley undergrad

Sent: Monday, May 21, 2001 1:35 PM

To: male Harvard undergrad

Subject: hello, good-bye, alweiderzein, adieu

hi [male undergrad],

i am fucked and i am willing to fuck in order to unfuck myself. i am leaving tomorrow. i have an italian exam at 1:00 today. I have four papers due at 5:00 today.

I am willing to perform sexual favors in return for well written, superbly crafted, original essays.

Please forward this to all your male friends, except for Josh.

I am serious; this is no joke. i repeat, I AM FUCKED.

I do not want to come across as an academic whore; if I had not just dented, scratched, and broken the headlight of a shitty little American sedan with the Rover while I was attempting to park outside of Starbucks where I was making my second trip today to purchase my second and third venti nonfat iced lattes to keep me awake during my exam after the completion of two consecutive allnighters, I would not be forced to hoard my funds with the expectation of forking it all over to this very fortunate car-owner, and I would be offering a monetary reward. But I am not. I am offering sex. And as you can see, my writing skills have bit the big-one. I am vacillating between the creation of sentence fragments and run-ons; both are unacceptable substitutes for classically composed sentence.

Should you choose to accept my offer, please email me immediately. I will forward the paper topics to you.

Thank you for your assistance.

I am awaiting the alacrity with which I expect you to respond.

Your damsel in distress, of sorts,

Roxy