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Robert Todino, 22, of Woburn, Mass., has sent over 100 million spam messages in hopes of locating the materials necessary to build a time machine with which to revisit his childhood and prevent the implantation of a mind monitoring device that he believes allows secret agents to probe his thoughts.

Distance back in time Todino is seeking to travel: 8,935,200 Minutes

On average, total time recipients spent opening, reading and trashing Todino’s emails: 50,000,000 Minutes

In August, Fla., wildlife officials received tips that Israel A. Cervantes was illegally hunting deer in the Ocala National Forest. When officials from the wildlife service arrived at Cervantes’s home to question him, he readily consented to having his home freezer inspected for frozen venison.

Amount of jail time that Cervantes faces for illegal hunting after wildlife officials found no deer meat in his freezer: 0 Minutes

Amount of jail time that Cervantes faces for drug possession after wildlife officials found over a pound of marijuana in his freezer: 2,628,000 Minutes

A man in Rio de Janeiro suffering from a severe ear infection accidentally received a vasectomy in August when he responded to the wrong doctor’s call in the waiting room of a local clinic. The patient wasn’t alerted to the mix-up even by the nature and location of the procedure because he simply assumed that the infection had “deep roots.”

Average length of a vasectomy procedure: 45 Minutes

Average length of recovery for a vasectomy reversal procedure: 10,080 Minutes

A 20-year-old Denver resident died last month after leaping from his car at 40 mph in what friends say was an attempt to sustain non-fatal trauma in order to build up enough courage to get a tattoo.

Time after the accident that the victim remained conscious:

123 Minutes

Average length of a tattoo application: 60 Minutes