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15 Signs Your Venerable Theatrical Society’s Money Has Been Embezzled

The agenda for a business meeting includes the item “How I’m gonna jack all yo’ shit, fools.” Ticket sales manager
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  1. The agenda for a business meeting includes the item “How I’m gonna jack all yo’ shit, fools.”

  2. Ticket sales manager asks that tickets be purchased with easily liquifiable household goods.

  3. Business manager endows a Department of Embezzlement in the Faculty of Arts and Sciences.

  4. Auditioners for your new show include 14 undercover police officers.

  5. The title of your vampire-themed musical is “Fangs For The 100 Grand.”

  6. Half your business staff hired by Arthur Andersen after graduation.

  7. Business manager begins sporting diamond-capped teeth, iced-out sneakers.

  8. Dictionary seems to always be open to the entry “money laundering,” which is circled, underlined and highlighted, with a handwritten note next to it reading “We have to do this!!!”

  9. The Man and Woman of the Year are Michael Milken and Leona Helmsley.

  10. Club trip to Bermuda includes a suspicious number of visits to unregulated banks.

  11. Club vending machine stocked with Beluga caviar, rare “platinum cheddar” cheez-its.

  12. Keycard swipe device also functions as ATM.

  13. Business manager begins spelling name with dollar signs instead of S’s.

  14. For example, “Susan” would become “$u$an.”

  15. When ordering pizza, business managers known to ask, “Anyone got change for a $100,000?”

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