March to the Sea: U.S.A., Go Away!

The Winter Olympics are over and for the United States, the Games proved to be a major success. The U.S. won more medals than ever before, almost tripling its previous high of 13 by securing 34 golds, silvers and bronzes. Only Germany earned more decoration, and even then only by one.

A handful of Americans are upset the local guys didn’t win either ice hockey gold this year. Some go as far as to say that was the only disappointment of the Salt Lake City Olympics.

I actually think it was best part.

Now, before I get deported, let me explain. I root for Americans in the sports where we’re underdogs. Some would argue that in men’s hockey, the Russians, Czechs and Canadians were all much bigger favorites than the Americans. These people, however, would be mistaken. The U.S. sported a team of NHL All-Stars. They may not have had the top few players in the world on the squad, but it was no surprise when America ended up in the finals.

Same goes for women’s hockey. And women’s figure skating. And snowboarding. And, yes, speed skating.

Though I was cheering for Harvard’s own Dan Weinstein ’03 in short track, I have never become “ra-ra” when American favorites try to follow through on expectations and win gold. While that doesn’t cause me many problems during the Winter Olympics, the Summer Olympics are horrible. We’re always huge favorites in track-and-field and men’s basketball. Many of our local athletes also happen to be extremely cocky. Do I root for Maurice Greene in the 100 meters? Do I root for Vince Carter and Allen Iverson on the basketball court as the Dream Team defeats South Korea 190-2?

No, I don’t. I hope they lose. It would make for great television. It would be a bigger upset than the 1980 Miracle on Ice. And it would be at the expense of Americans.

If an athlete has to choke on the international scene, I’d rather it be an American than a resident of any other country in the world. Why? Because we can take it. Americans are blessed to have relatively compassionate, educated and reasonable people in society. Many countries are not afforded this luxury. If you play soccer for Colombia and cost your team a game with an own goal, you get shot (Andres Escobar, anyone?). In the United States, you get a day of disappointment, followed by a 2002 Subaru Outback from Rosie O’Donnell as a sympathy gift.

Winter Olympians, happily, aren’t as objectionable. It’s very difficult to dislike David Parra and I certainly rooted for Chris Klug, who came back from a liver transplant to win a bronze in snowboarding’s giant slalom.

Yet, I think it’s great to see Australia—a country that had never won a gold medal before—finally triumph in an event (actually two). I also like to see small countries, with populations one-tenth that of the United States, have their days in the sun for once. Many people in Croatia and Bulgaria do not have much to cheer about in their daily lives. Their countries are poverty-stricken. When a Croatian athlete can rise to the top of the world and compete at a level with Americans who have more money and often more opportunity, I will plead guilty for rooting for “the bad guys.”

Female skier Janica Kostelic, who won four medals for Croatia, will return to her country as the toast of Zagreb. In America, we may appreciate all of our athletes, but we just have too many. One gold medal here or there only gains so much attention.

The Canadians had endured a miserable Olympics before the nation’s double success in ice hockey. Heavily favored speed skater Jeremy Wotherspoon collapsed under pressure, turning in two dismal performances and returning home without a medal despite his status as defending World Champion. Canada had half as many medals as the U.S., despite being our neighbors to the north—where it’s colder. Ice hockey was invented in Canada. It’s the only sport Canadians play. Let them have their golds. It means more to them that it would to us.

The United States is the best at everything. We’re the richest, we’re the most powerful, and we’re certainly the most athletic. When we finally do win the World Cup in soccer and defeat Germany in the race for most overall Winter Olympic medals, we’ll have just about everything. We can move on to croquet and cricket until we’re the best at that, too.

And then you know what will happen? All the other countries in the world will gang up on us—and challenge us to an Olympics where it’s simply “the U.S. v. the world.”

Come to think of it, we’d probably win anyway.