Fifteen Alternatives to Drinking at the Harvard/Yale Game

Special keg-ban edition!

15 alternatives to drinking at the Harvard/Yale game.

1. Unprotected sex

2. Lame yet arrogant Yale mockery

3. Get a huge head rush by inhaling sulfur and brimstone fumes given off by Harry Lewis

4. Lying down for a long time, then standing up quickly.

5. Driving while intoxicated...by the holiday stylings of Time-Life’s Treasury of Christmas, Volume One.

6. Who needs Miller Lite when you’ve got Glee Club Lite, anyway?

7. Host “Sober Girls Gone Wild”-themed party.

8. Relearn basic functions you haven’t performed while sober in the past three years. First up: Zipping coat.

9. Discover firsthand that empty bleach bottle mini-keg = bad idea.

10. (Fly members only) Rent U-Haul; sit on top

11. Soberly realize that while the “Yuck Fale” shirt was never funny, “Sale Cucks Yoose Mock” is hi-larious!

12. If you can’t have a brew at the football game, have a Shasta at the IM soccer match.

13. Touch forefinger to nose; say alphabet backwards with extreme precision.

14. Second round of unprotected sex

15. Whippets. Nothing says “fuck you, keg ban” like 4,000 students simultaneously sucking nitrous oxide out of old whipped cream cans.