Fifteen Errors I've Made in my First Two Months as a TF

Fifteen Errors I’ve Made in My First Two Months as a TF

1. Instituting attendance-optional, pants-mandatory policy—should’ve been the other way around.

2. Sleeping with three of the students but not all of them was kind of unfair.

3. I guess I could’ve anticipated that “Wet T-shirt Midterm Review 2002” would get me fired.

4. Pretending the midterm had been canceled and then telling the students to get a sense of humor when they complained.

5. My decisions in “Do, Dump, or Marry” with Kant, Marx and Nietzsche were totally dumb. You gotta do Marx!

6. Going old-school, marking response papers down for failure to cite appropriate Scripture passages.

7. Making section a safe haven for Mike Tyson.

8. Responding to every other comment with slow, sarcastic clapping.

9. Responding to the rest of the comments with “Oooh, look at me, I did the reading, I’m so smart, blah blah blah—shut the fuck up, punk!”

10. I tried to explain that the “swimsuit” portion of midterm grading was assessing physical fitness, not attractiveness, but no one believed me.

11. After mock W.E.B. DuBois-Booker T. Washington debate, I guess it would have been more sensitive to not conclude that the Washington team “really took it up the ass.”

12. Instituting “check plus/check/check minus/‘check’ to find out why you’re so dumb” grading system.

13. Mistakenly e-mailing whole class link to my Captain Kirk erotic fan fiction website instead of link to Hamlet discussion site.

14. Interrupting stupid answers with an airhorn.

15. Not actively discouraging first-years from speaking.