The Unofficial Guide to Junior Parents Weekend

Like all promotional material distributed by Harvard College, the Junior Parents Weekend brochure that arrived in my mailbox last week bore a string of lofty promises. Pledging to offer the parents of the junior class "A Snapshot of Our Lives" and claiming that the weekend would give our elders the opportunity "to take a walk in our shoes," the brochure all but swore to give parents an out-of-body Freaky Friday-esque encounter in which they would magically experience the College as if they were actually 20-year-old students. Intrigued by the assertion that my parents could learn more about how "Harvard has shaped [my] beliefs and experiences" from a few panel discussions and a Crimson Key tour than from three years of vacations and phone conversations, I decided that I would look at this brochure with a little more care.

What I found was shocking. While a predictably large number of panels seemed out of touch with the daily goings-on of a Harvard student, some of the events did in fact seem destined to offer my parents a realistic taste of the undergraduate experience.

Thus, for those of my fellow students interested in offering their parents nothing less than a true-to-life glimpse of Harvard College life, I offer the following preview of the Junior Parents Weekend schedule of events. Here's the most on-the-ball and off-base of what's to come.

With respect to teaching parents about the intimacy of the classroom setting and the closeness of student-faculty interaction, the Junior Parents Weekend Committee couldn't have been more on target. Like the vast majority of their sons and daughters, parents at this weekend's event will learn about learning at Harvard by being crowded into the aisles of a stuffy lecture hall to hear a well-suited Michael J. Sandel pontificate about teleology and what is just. Yes, there will be the illusion of interaction with the man on the stage; Sandel will ask for questions. But inevitably there will be too many people in the audience for your parents' questions to be answered. Or, like you, your parents may feel that a room full of 1000 people they do not know isn't the most hospitable environment in which to raise their hands and say "I didn't get it."

Feeling in touch with the big-wigs on campus after their up-close-and-personal class, your parents might want to head over to the Dean's Welcome. Here, too, the Junior Parents Weekend Committee has hit the nail on the head. At this event your parents will be welcomed to Harvard in the same way that you were two-and-a-half years ago--by a debonair administrator who will crack a few jokes, flash a toothy smile, assure your parents that the administration cares very much about undergraduates and then disappear for the rest of the weekend. Your parents will have the sneaking suspicion that the encounter is superficial and just for show, but you do want to show them what really happens at Harvard, right?

After a full day of academia, your parents will be itching to find out what they can do with all their knowledge upon graduation. For a genuine telling of what students do after leaving Johnston Gate, direct them to the Office of Career Services (OCS) panel on "exploring your options" after Harvard. At this event the Director of OCS will tell parents that all Harvard students do one of two things after graduating: they I-bank or consult. Of course, when pressured, he will admit that some students do take jobs in other fields. And, if really pressed, he may even use the n-word (non-profits, that is). If your parents want more information about this "unconventional" option, they will be referred to the one corner of OCS dedicated to public interest jobs, but, like you, they will be answered only with a smirk if they dare to ask why these sorts of organizations aren't included in job fairs and recruiting.

Unfortunately, not every event will ring as true as those just mentioned. The Junior Parents Weekend Committee can't be expected to set up a perfect simulation. Thus you will want to forewarn your parents before they attend the following affairs--lest they falsely interpret the nature of the undergraduate experience.

If your parents are interested in learning about the myriad of health resources offered by the College that you have never been told are available, send them off to the panel discussion at University Health Services (UHS). Unlike the welcomes you normally receive when you stagger into UHS (completely debilitated from the mono that was misdiagnosed as a bladder infection the month before), your parents will be warmly greeted by a room full of not nurse practitioners, not inattentive receptionists, but--gasp--doctors. (Yes, there are doctors at UHS.) Once they've settled in, your parents can learn about UHS's "innovative approaches" to healthcare--presumably these are the approaches they have been hiding from students while using more banal techniques, such as making students wait so long that they get better in the lobby.

Hungry from their active schedule as pseudo-Harvard students, your parents will likely want to stop and eat. Take them to the luncheon in the Houses. For just one meal Harvard University Dining Services will let you have a taste of what they've been preparing at the faculty club while you've been served up generous helpings of General Wong's Chicken and Emerald Beef. Savor the penne with artichokes, take seconds of the endive salad, but do remind your parents that it's back to Sharon's Chicken on Monday and that the care packages should keep coming.

Adhere to these guidelines, and the 'rents are sure to head for the airport on Sunday feeling like true-blooded members of the junior class--exhausted, disgruntled and itching to get home for a few days of rest.

Lauren E. Baer '02 is a social studies concentrator in Dunster House. Her column appears on alternate Wednesdays.