The Future: FM Directors of the 129th

Psychic on BDML:

“I see you in a safari outfit,” said Mary the psychic. “With wild elephants and wild animals.” Elephants? She went on. “It feels like you’ll be around famine or war,” she said. Starving elephants? “Would you consider going somewhere like Afghanistan?” she asked. “Not really,” I thought. “Yes!” I said. “It kind of sounds like freelance writing,” she said. If I had to guess, I’d say that the fact that she knew I worked on a magazine gave her the “writer” part, while the wrinkled and shockingly ketchup-stained state of my clothes indicated “freelance.” It was apparently the tarot cards that suggested wild elephants. But the cards were not finished! “Falls to the floor, comes to the door,” Mary said when I dropped one of them. It indicated that I would be involved in government work. “You’ll need a special pass to get through,” Mary said. Later, she saw me “in a black tuxedo, accepting an award.” I assumed this award would be related to my work as a government operative, war correspondent or lover of elephants, but this was not the case: apparently unsatisfied, I will be going into yet another field. “Sociology or anthropology—getting up close and studying a certain tribe of people.” My personality explains the continuous career-switching. “You would leave your family over and over again...You’re a risk taker.” This is not how I would have assessed my personality, but I guess that’s why she’s the psychic and I’m the elephant sociologist.

One of her statements was spot-on. “There’s more reading you need to do, more research, more studying up.” Too true. She must have made supernatural contact with my TFs. Mary also had some financial advice. “Whatever has happened in the past—don’t worry about it. If there’s any kind of debt, forget about it.”

Nonetheless, I paid my Discover bill the next day.

Ben C. Wasserstein
Content Director: 129th Guard

Psychic on BCW:

I immediately present a contradiction to Mystic Mary. After examining the ten tarot cards I flipped over and then holding my hands for a while and closing her eyes, Mary concludes that she “hears” a nervous temperament, but she doesn’t “feel” it. I think the feeling was in the hand-holding, and the hearing in the tarot cards (which, unless operating on an audial spectrum that can only be heard by psychics and maybe dogs, were to the best of my knowledge silent). But I can’t be sure. My uncertainty about what Mystic Mary is hearing is sharply contrasted by Mary herself, who, in no uncertain terms, was able to see my future very precisely.

Mary had been instructed to tell each of us when or fifteen minutes of fame would occur, which she dutifully did. My fifteen minutes will occur abroad, in recognition of my humanitarian work. (If Mary had been told to tell us when we’d end up in jail, I fear that the reading might have been kind of different.)

My job as an international relief worker—“changing the world one place at a time”—will include squiring people who need medical attention into helicoptors, Mary vividly predicted. I didn’t even know helicoptors played such a large role in Third World relief workers’ lives. She added, “I keep seeing you in a white coat,” and when I said I didn’t really have any medical training, she suggested that I might be a researcher. You know, the kind that brings sick people to helicoptors. She also said that I might just be very “medically sensitive,” that I could tell when people are sick very easily. That part is actually pretty true, if you substitute a word like “tall” or “fat” for the word “sick.”

I’m going to start a family pretty late, around 40. I’ll live out of a knapsack before then. She was careful to note that she kept “hearing ‘wartorn’” with me, and then dismissing it. Something for me to consider as I put on my knapsack, travel around the world, and get people where they need to go, usually a helicoptor.

Kenyon S. M. Weaver
Production Director: 129th Guard

Psychic on KSMW:

That’s pyrite, I thought as I saw her pick up a dull golden rock. “I hear the word ‘arrivederci’ so you’re going to be in Italy or do something with Italians” she siad. “You’re a knight—you’ve got knight’s armor on, you’re in a knight outfit.” Not near Heath Ledger, though, I mused. “You’re close to your mom,” she continued. Okay, that’s true. “But she wants you to slay dragons, and you don’t want to slay dragons. You’re going to build, create, design, make sure all needs are going to be taken care of in a community.”

Future Fame: “That’s going to be your 15 minutes of fame—developing and social planning. Living well—that’s going to be the key. A feeling of plenty.” My stomach growled. “Socialized medicine, too, a kind of planned living of sorts.” Like Disney’s town of Celebration? “You’re not going to tell everybody what you’re doing until it’s ready—and only when you’re organized are you going to be ready.”

Future Love Life: “Are you a Yankees fan?” I shook my head. Red Sox all the way, Astros too. Can’t forget Astros and my hometown. H-town is definitely in the house. “I see a Yankees cap. You may marry a Yankees fan or become one,” she said. I bristled as she launched into my future love life. “You’re going to have a rude awakening soon” she said. “Money and work - you’re going to care a lot about that and it’s going to be a balancing act. And you have a problem of following through.” Ouch. At least I’ll have my planned community—they’ll love me...right?