Revenge of the Nerds

Just in time for the return of those nasty midterm grades, FM gives you “Balderdash with the Professors”. This fun game is designed to remind you that even though they may be able to deem your paper “undirected, unsupported and unresearched”, the title of Harvard Professor does not confer upon its holder omniscience. So next time you’re stumped on question number five of the world’s hardest problem set, remember that the creator of this torturous assignment probably doesn’t know the definition of quandong either.

Real definitions, according to Webster’s New World Dictionary, 14th Ed.

Peavey: a heavy wooden lever with a pointed metal tip and hinged hook near the end, used by lumbermen in handling logs.

Qiviut: the fine, soft, light brown inner layer of hair of the musk ox.

Quandong: a small australian tree of the sandlewood fameil, whose edible fruit has a single stone containing an edible kernel.

Doxy: a woman of low morals, specifically a prostitute.

Dan Donoghue—Professor of English, teaches English 101: History and Structure of the English Language.

Peavey: “a reaction a child feels when served vegetables.”

Qiviut: “I have no idea… an implement used in putting shoes on horses?”

Quandong: “Vessel used in Southeast Asia to travel on rivers

Doxy: “Precept, stemming from the Latin for teach.”

Harvey Mansfield ‘53—Kenan Professor of Government.

Peavey: “New kind of personal computer, instead of PC. PV—personal visualizing.”

Qiviut: “A new way to misspell quiet.”

Quandong: “It tells you when the bell is going to ring for ‘cuando dong.’”

Doxy: “Opinion, stemming from the Greek word, dox.”

Robert Kiely—Professor of English.

Peavey: “Someone who is easily annoyed.”

Qiviut: “Something someone does on the sly.”

Quandong: “Something you are served at a Vietnamese restauarant.”

Doxy: “Cockney slang for a female.”

Douglas Powell—Professor of English, specializing in poetry.

Peavey: “A privy where one can only ‘do’ number one.”

Qiviut: “One quarter of a quarter horse.”

Quandong: “Unit for measuring fried rice.”

Doxy: “Having both beautiful and ugly attributes at the same time.”

Professor Powell, it should noted, after learning the correct definition of doxy—a prostitute—commented, “I definitely should have known that one.”