Fifteen Minutes: From Our BULGING Mail Bags...

Dear FM,

Last week you suggested that a dining hall Chickwich could be used as a barrier contraceptive. After extensive field testing, we found that it was, in fact, a viable option and effectively barricades the cervix from sperm using both physical and chemical means. A caveat: Chickwiches should not be used during a woman's menstral cycle due to the risk of TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome). Thanks FM!

--Student Contraceptive Counselors

Dear FM,

I found your article "where sitcoms come from" to be highly informative and useful in daily conversation. What I would like to know is, where do articles about where sitcoms come from come from. Now that's meta. Suck me, Milton F. Dorman '02.

--J. Habermas

Dear FM,

I've written a little haiku in honor of your last issue:

beautiful models

compete with midget bowling.

Bless America.

--Sarah G. Lippman '02

Wazzzup FM,

Hey you know your article on Abercrombie and Fitch? Maybe you should have called it Abercrombie and BITCH...Booyah! You're welcome, FM!

--The Foz '01

Dear FM,

Lately I have been sorely disappointed with the quality of the humor in your magazine. Between Gossip Guy's infatuation with chronic masturbation, the Groovy Train's sexual insinuations about some of our nation's most revered historical figures, and numerous solicitations to "suck it" and such and such in the Mailbag, I have come to the conclusion that your publication is low-class, low-brow, and caters to the lowest common denominator.

--Hung Lo '03