In the [K]now

Since Jesus is so trendy this week, I provide the following excerpt from an e-mail conversation with the divine Mei Pin Phua:

ME: So listen what happened to me today. I'm walking back from Videosmith and this passing blond, J. Crew boy keeps staring at me. When we cross paths, he taps me on the shoulder and goes, "Hey." So I stop and he looks me up and down for at least 10 seconds. I thought maybe he knew my brother or needed directions. So you can imagine my surprise when he blurts out, "Do you believe in God? I'm a member of this great church down the street. Do you read the Bible? I'd love for you to-" I fended him off just like I do those annoying AT&T saleswomen, but I'm disturbed. Do I look pagan?

MEI PIN: he will belv tt u wr a particulrly testy challenge sent by god, n he will belv tt he is a bttr Xian 4 hvg endured u. u will hv thrby strengthnd e church. well done, soman. y dnt u stay in ur rm 4 e rest of ur life?

TREND-O-RAMA: CULTURE OF BOYISHNESS

Bye bye Luke Perry. See ya De Niro. Gone are the days when the leather jacket-wearing, motorcycle-riding, joint-smoking, potty-mouthed rebel was sexy. No one wants a bad boy anymore. Women, it seems, have traded in the "man" for the "boy"-the ultra-sensitive male, the girl's guy. What distinguishes a "boy" from a "man?" A boy is secure in his sexual ambiguity-he works in the mud by day, cooks and writes verse by night. A boy doesn't pose because he knows the attraction of his own feminine appeal. But do girls really want a boy who knows how to exfoliate? Hell yeah, according to this month's Talk Magazine-the new heterosexual ideal is "Just Gay Enough." To be "J.G.E," you have to be proud of your omnisexual vibe. Poster children include Guy Ritchie (involved with Brit-aspiring gay icon Madonna), Matt Damon (the "boy" to Affleck's "man"), Vince Vaughn (embraces his own awkwardness), Edward Norton (always on the borderline of being a priss) or Matthew Perry (proud of his own insecurities). The line is ever-so-thin between "Not Quite Gay Enough" or "Just a Little Too Gay," but the boy who is "Just Gay Enough" is guaranteed to score. You tough guys must be thinking, "But how do I become 'J.G.E'?" Unfortunately, it's an inexact science-and if you still own a leather jacket, your chances at succeeding are slim. To make it, you have to balance your tough-guy posturing with an unexpected hint of vulnerability-you might act like Brando around the guys, but you'll also never miss "Felicity" on Wednesday nights. You might idolize James Gandolfini from "The Sopranos" but your closet is filled with baby-blue cashmere turtlenecks. Your handy tool might be a DeWalt drill but all the girls know you can make a mean plate of vegetable lasagna. If you need a simple formula, try straight-boy rage plus feminine passion. So to summarize: Stallone out, Jude Law in. Macho out, unobtrusive self-confidence in. Or maybe it's better put this way-players out, female predators in...

TREND-O-RAMA: ADVENTURES IN THE WISCONSIN DELLS

I was reminded this week of the fact that long ago, my family used to take vacations in places other than Las Vegas. As a six and seven year old, I would whine for a "glamorous" destination where I could hob-nob and sip champagne with celebrities while my older brother complained that our family was rapidly losing its intellectual edge and we needed to sharpen our minds in a cultural environment. So my weary parents opted for the middle-ground: a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Be it Montana, Tennessee, Wisconsin, Colorado, South Carolina or Virginia, we'd shack up in the woods and spend our days horseback riding, cow tipping, mini-golfing, go-cart riding or apple-picking. I, of course, was beside myself. Though I could barely form complete sentences, I do remember launching into diatribes: "Where are the five star hotels? The paparazzi? My close-up?" My brother sucked it up and tried to pretend that he was Thoreau, forced to the outskirts of civilization. But who could have predicted that the Midwest would be such a trendy vacation destination these days? I feel like a boob for ever mocking it. If you're looking for a hotspot, try the Wisconsin Dells-a budget-friendly Disney World with miles upon miles of lined-up attractions. Want to be a care-free kid again? In one afternoon, you can hit Ripley's Believe it or Not, The Dungeon of Tortures, The Rock Star Wax Museum, Clown Heaven and Robot World all for about $20. It's all about cross-cultural exchange-urban families are flocking to Wisconsin to avoid the Orlando crowds and to expose their children to the wonders of gem mining, fishing and cooking your own meat. Will it last? Of course not. All the more reason to book your flight to Wisconsin ASAP. (On a side note, I'm pretty sure there are no airports in the Land of Milk and Cheese. You'd have to fly into Dallas and drive to the Dells-I can't think of any other major cities between New York in the east and Las Vegas in the west.)

SOMAN'S SHORTS

Get ready for the Shakespeare onslaught. A new Hamlet hits theaters in a couple of weeks starring Ethan Hawke and Diane Venora. The twist? This time it's the Danish Corporation in modern day NYC. A couple weeks later, Kenneth Branaugh's Love's Labour Lost opens nationwide, set as a 1930's period musical with songs by Cole Porter, Irving Berlin and George Gershwin. We'll have interviews with both Hawke and Branaugh before the year is up...Everyone is going gaga over the new Lord of the Rings trailer-the first movie in the trilogy opens this December. Check out the preview at the New Line Cinema website... Speaking of websites, check out www.uglypeople.com. I'm agog... By all appearances, Whitney Houston is a drug addict. Mariah Carey is graceless, unintelligent and so 1992. Celine Dion has a new ugly hairdo. Jennifer Lopez is rapidly wearing out her welcome. Madonna suddenly becomes an Anglophile. Is it any wonder that we have a new crop of teen divas? All the old dames are lame... And while we're in the land of teen pop, I'm quite embarrassed by 'NSync's shattering of the one-day sales records with 2.4 million sold for No Strings Attached. Even more frightening was the Backstreet Boys' implicit challenge to that record when asked by a reporter for their comment, "We'll see you in October when our new album comes out"... And while we're on the subject of the BSB, let me tell you a true story. At a party in Leverett this weekend, a girl was dancing away like a madwoman when all of a sudden, she keels over. It turns out she had a cramp in her leg, so she had a few boys massaging her and tending to her as she writhed in pain on a couch. As she lay supine, "I Want It That Way" suddenly blasted from the stereo speakers and she leapt up. After screaming in joy at the top of her lungs, she joined forces with other hysterical BSB fans and belted out the song ("with all the hidden oohs and ahhs," she commented afterwards) while limping around and falling on her ass occasionally. When the song was done, she resumed her helpless position on the couch. I wanted to poke fun at her, but I couldn't-I'm the one responsible for getting her hooked on the BSB since I sent her to their concert in September to write that now infamous cover story for our first issue. Back then, I wanted a mean, whip-smart slice-and-dice piece on the Boys, but she fell in love with them and proselytizes incessantly. "You know how it's Jesus week?" she told me yesterday, "For me, it's BSB week!!" Moral of the story: Cynicism comes back to bite you in the ass. (Oh, and she wants everyone to know-if there are any more closet BSB fans out there who want to see the teddy bear she got from Kevin Richardson, e-mail her at acasill@fas.)

Questions? Comments? Cramps? E-mail schainan@fas.harvard.edu