Like Fly Fishing? You'll Love Gore

News item from ABC News: "The Harvard Current student magazine reports that Ariz. Sen. John S. McCain's presidential campaign unwittingly bought ad space on an Asian porn website. According to the Current, McCain bought space on theglobe.com 'targeting viewers according to the geographic region from which they log on.' Under the ad contract, the Current reports, theglobe.com could place the ad on any website that it hosted, regardless of the content on the site."

The placing of a McCain ad on a site devoted to Asian porn raises serious questions about the nature and implications of political advertising in this election cycle. Deciding how to target ad campaigns to certain demographics is a problem that faces all candidates for national offices. An ad about education is ineffective if it reaches voters concerned about taxes; announcing the endorsement of the NAACP is unlikely to play well with South Carolina voters.

McCain's efforts to reach out to Internet audiences seem to have backfired, though CNN has yet to do a poll of likely voters who enjoy Asian porn. However, the strategy of targeting particular audiences is a sound one, and candidates might in the future wish to try more traditional ways of advertising, such as magazines targeted to particular audiences. Below are some suggestions for possible ad submissions to popular magazines.

Buddhist Quarterly: Please donate to the Gore 2000 presidential campaign! Go online to contribute by credit card, or call our monastic donation coordinator to arrange a fundraiser for your prayer group.

The American Legion: Veterans across the country are clear in their support for one of their own in this spring's Republican primary. Listen to what they have to say about McCain: "John McCain is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life," says Joe Smith, a Vietnam veteran. Richard Jones, another vet, had this to add: "John McCain is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."

Fly Fisherman: If you like fly fishing, you'll love the Gore administration. Al Gore--More exciting than a rushing stream.

Guns & Ammo: Ever wished you lived in Texas? A vote for George W. Bush is a vote for concealed weapons nationwide. So put those rifles in the back of the truck and drive to your nearest polling place this Tuesday.

Sports Illustrated: Michael Jordan says wear Nikes. Michael Jordan says switch to MCI. Michael Jordan says vote for Bill Bradley.

Negative campaigning could catch on as well.

Foreign Affairs: You know who the leader of Pakistan is. Shouldn't your President? Paid for by McCain 2000, Inc.

And national political parties could also get into the act.

Fortune: Do you have a lot of money? Would you like to keep it? Vote Republican this November. Paid for by the Republican National Committee.

Truckin': The Democrats are a threat to your God-given right to put a Confederate flag on your pickup. Yet another reason to vote Republican.

Modern Maturity: Grandson Johnny founded an Internet startup, eh? Time to stick him with the bill for your new dentures. Save Medicare--Vote Democratic.

Ads for state races might be in the pipeline.

Martha Stewart Living: The likely Democratic candidate for the Senate once said of her career choice, "I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas." Why not give her more time to do so after the election? Paid for by Friends of Giuliani.

And this one was spotted on the side of a milk carton last week:

Have you seen this man? Missing: Alan L. Keyes, age 49, Republican candidate for president. Last seen in New Hampshire. Reportedly still in presidential race. If spotted, call the Washington Post.

Noelle Eckley '00 is an environmental science and public policy concentrator in Dunster House. Her column appears on alternate Thursdays.