Fifteen Minutes: When Victoria Was Queen

Before there were Jerry Springer, Britney Spears and apple pie, there was the British Empire, and, believe it or not, the good 'ole U.S.A. was part of it. Despite our forefathers' glorious emancipation from the grips of the imperialists, there are a few who remain loyal--Tories within our very midst. Maryland native Frederick Karl Kepner Du Puy '03 and New Yorker Carlos Zepeda '03 stand among those who spell 'color' with a 'u' and call a 'line' a 'queue.'

How could the housing office have placed these two anglophiles in the same room? How could the wise people in this bureau not have seen the potential plotting that would ensue? The answer is, of course, that the English obsession had nothing to do with their rooming assignments. Ricky (as Du Puy prefers to be called) and Carlos just happened to find themselves in a room together: "I actually feel quite slighted by my rooming assignment. I wish I'd been put in Mass Hall because it predates the revolution" states Ricky. Surely, Ricky was guaranteed a spot in Mass Hall by putting a '2' for quietness. Yet, in another blunder in his housing assignment, Ricky was assigned to a roommate who had put a '3' for quietness, thus ruining his chances at sharing a 'flat' with President Rudenstine. But as things stand, the roommates get along because, as Carlos puts it: "we keep different schedules" (pronounced she-du-ehls).

Carlos is most fascinated with British politics and music. "I'm so impressed that such a little island could have such a huge impact," Carlos marvels. He is amazed that English is so widely spoken language in the world and that so many developed countries' government systems are based around the English parliamentary system. Yeah, well, you know what else was cool, Carlos? Baseball.

Strangely, Carlos has never visited the United Kingdom, yet he admits to speaking in an English accent when giving public speeches. His parents, Mexican immigrants, "were kind of disturbed at first because they're conservative." It is no wonder when one discovers Carlos political leanings in the British political machine: Liberal. Despite his politics, he supports the British royal family as an "essential part of British identity." On the other hand, he castigates President Clinton's indiscretions and thinks he should have resigned. "I was just pissed at the Republicans for revealing unnecessary details," Carlos states. That sounds like anti-conservative talk, Carlos.

Ricky's fetish lies in the tradition and history of the English culture. While you and I were pounding hamburgers at the House of Beef, Ricky was writing his college entrance essay in support of keeping the House of Lords. Ricky's fanaticism started in the fourth grade when an English transfer student offered him a copy of Pride and Prejudice in the playground. Since then it has been a downward spiral into the bowels of English culture. Yet the freshman declined to study in England in lieu of the lesser Cambridge School, Harvard.

The attitude of these two dissenters begs the question: what makes America so bad? Who could hate the home of the free? Nothing, says Lora Dixon, a native of New Castle, England, and the roommates' upstairs neighbor, "I'm proud of Britain but I think that Americans have a lot to be proud of... but I find it disconcerting that [anglophiles] practically know more about my country than I do." Apparently, there isn't enough romanticism for Ricky, and as for Carlos, Donald Trump just doesn't measure up when compared to Hobbes and Locke. Poppycock. These are hardly viable excuses when you take into consideration that both of these kids are American. Though the two don't begrudge the colonists from separating from the British and say that they would have sided with the colonists, the question is, would anyone have sided with them?

--A. Cooley