Fifteen Minutes: What Professors Don't Know
It happens to everyone, even Ivy Leaguers: the sweaty palms, the nervous twitch, the frantic sideways glances, the stuttering. Your reputation as a human being is at stake, and your mind conveniently decides to go blank.
No, we're not talking about blind dates. Midterms? Please. This is Trivial Pursuit.
Distraught players exchange blank stares and scathing epithets. "Who would know that?" some may ask as the questions confound. "Well," goes a common response, "how about Harvard professors?"
So FM sifted through all those pie wedges to unearth the most esoteric challenges of Millennium Trivial Pursuit, and stalked the most learned professors that grace the History Department here at Harvard. Many evaded the spotlight, claiming alleged "deadlines" and pleading the fifth, all the while reeking of self-doubt and insecurity. Fortunately, though, three brave souls came forth, but only after FM resorted to hunting down victims at the Xerox machine in the jungle of Robinson Hall.
Question: Who was the first person buried in an evening ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery?
Eric Lohr, Assistant Professor of History: No comment.
Brett Flehinger, Lecturer on History: Robert F. Kennedy.
Andrew Gordon, Professor of History: No idea.
Correct answer: Robert F. Kennedy.
Q: What secretive group organized the surprise party for Bill Clinton's 50th birthday that he found out about ahead of time?
Lohr: No comment.
Flehinger: CIA.
Gordon: I think I read about this, but I forget.
A: CIA.
Q: What war saw the U.S. Army develop a "Smell-O-Meter" to detect body odor of the enemy?
Lohr: World War I.
Flehinger: Vietnam.
Gordon: Who knows?
A: The Vietnam War.
Q: How many children did King Henry VIII's children have?
Lohr: 20.
Flehinger: Zero.
Gordon: No comment.
A: Zero
Q: What did the famous chef Le Grand Valtel do after Louis XIV asked for a doggie bag?
Lohr: No comment.
Flehinger: Throw food at him.
Gordon: No comment.
A: Commit suicide.
Q: Who did illustrator James Montgomery Flagg use as a model for Uncle Sam in his "I Want You" poster?
Lohr: Lincoln.
Flehinger: A guy in Arlington.
Gordon: No comment.
A: James Montgomery Flagg.
Q: What U.S. Civil War general's favorite horse was named Cincinnatus?
Lohr: Grant.
Flehinger: Grant.
Gordon: Grant.
A: Ulysses S. Grant
Q: What fast food joint was the unofficial meeting place for Tiananmen Square student demonstrators in 1989?
Lohr: McDonald's.
Flehinger: McDonald's.
Gordon: McDonald's.
A: Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Q: Who was the tallest U.S. President short of Abe Lincoln?
Lohr: Andrew Jackson.
Flehinger: Johnson.
Gordon: No comment.
A: Lyndon B. Johnson.
Final score out of 12 questions: Lohr 1, Flehinger 7, Gordon 1. Flehinger stands victorious, but only with a little prodding from a grad student lurking in the shadows by the Xerox machine.
--K.E. KITCHEN