Fifteen Minutes: The Wearin' O' The Green

There are almost 15 times more Irish descendents in America than there are actual Irish in Ireland. Of all the Irish immigrants currently stateside, about half of them live in the Boston Metropolitan Area. If this were 1776, one might imagine people yelling, "The Irish are coming--the Irish are coming!" as on the other side of town, opposite the seaside wharves, Boston Brahmins high atop their venerable hill guffaw, "Oh, too many of them buggers are running around our city."

But no one's really pissed about the Irish anymore. Without them there'd be no potato pancakes, no corned beef hash and certainly no Guinness. Everyone's better off for those things, right? Harvard Dining Services surely thinks so from the way they keep serving up the pancakes and corned beef all the time. And now that busing has failed utterly, the Irish have even hung up their old beef with the black community. (Some people over at Tom English's Bar in South Boston might not agree, but that's a story for another day.)

If you failed to notice on your Far Side Page-a-Day calendar, tomorrow is Saint Patrick's Day. Yes, the patron saint of Ireland who has been dead for about 1,500 years, is set to be memorialized and lionized once again.

In the Midwest they'll dye the Chicago River green, and the color won't wash away until mid-June. In New York City, Rudy, Hillary and all the pols will be stumping about on the campaign trail waving clovers. So what can you do here in Cambridge to show the Irish some love on their patron saint's birthday? Visit them one-by one in an old-fashioned bar crawl, Irish style.

As Jerry Coleman, an Irishman from County Cork and a bartender at The Field Bar in Central Square orders, "Whatever you do, don't underindulge, especially since this year you have the weekend to recover from your shenanigans.

To go beyond the usual carousing and debauchery, though, try out the sampling of Irish bars and restaurants in Central Square. When you sidle up to the bar, take note of the bartender's accent. Nine times out of 10, the pub has at least one Irish immigrant behind the bar. Coleman from The Field Bar is but one of the legion of friendly Irish tap masters around town. "I work here several nights a week and think that it's a great job. There are hundreds of other Irish doing the same thing all around Boston too, I'm sure," Coleman says.

The job puts Coleman in the local Irish loop. "For me it's a job certainly, but it's a lot more than that," he explains. "I do it because I enjoy myself. I constantly have an idea of what's going on in Cambridge. I know what Irish people are doing around here." Stop by The Field any day of the week and forget about cover charges. As long as you order something to drink, you're solid. Munch on one of the startlingly good appetizers as you imbibe to the live Celtic music. The 75%-25% mix of Cambridge residents to college students also sets the place apart from Harvard Square watering holes.

Right up Mass. Ave. from Central Square on your way back to Harvard, pop into The Druid, another classic Irish watering hole. The Druid dedicates itself primarily to serving up a patriotically fine Guinness and Irish whiskey, but it also has a decent food menu, too. Students don't usually come to The Druid, but that's almost completely due to its location--smack dab in between Harvard and Central on the Red Line--rather than the friendly waitstaff and killer drinks. Pop in on a night when the infamously gregarious Pat Delaney's working the bar. He's sure to make your evening worth the trip out.

But even with his deep Irish roots, Delaney approaches Saint Patrick's Day like a red-blooded American. "Sure it's a holiday, and in Ireland it's fairly religious at that. Here things definitely feel less religious and more exciting. We get all kinds of people to pack the bar on Saint Patrick's Day: Cambridge people, college students from MIT and Harvard, and even a visitor or two from Ireland," Delaney relates.

Getting to meet Irish college students keeps Coleman on the job because he knows he has a duty to train them, sort of like Bryan Brown with Tom Cruise in Cocktail. "They're the best. But sometimes they get carried away with their order. It's fine to have one Irish Whiskey in the evening, but if I were them I'd stay with the Guinness. It's much better in the long run. Irish whiskey is for serious contemplation only. People can get one whiskey to feel patriotic and to celebrate, but Guinness is the most popular drink here on Saint Patrick's Day. I guarantee we'll never run out of it," Coleman declares.

Universally Irish bartenders agree that only one beer makes St. Patty's day truly authentic. "Yeah, go with Guinness. Put down the Sam Adams on Saint Patty's Day. Guinness is different and I think better," decrees a female bartender at The Cellar, another nightspot five minutes' walk down Mass Ave past Central Square. Budweiser and, God forbid, Sam Adams should only come into play as last resorts. Even then it can be dangerous to tipple a bottle of Sam in a self-respecting Irish bar.

Harvard is the hub of the universe, spoked, as Professor John R. Stilgoe says. Test the truth tomorrow by going out and meeting those people whom former Harvard President A. Lawrence Lowell used to call "swarthy Irish." Notice the profusion of Irish bartenders at the pubs and at the restaurants, and learn why millions Americans have some Irish in them--or just want some.